Body language of speeches

Body language of a speech or public speaking: Leadership requires speeches or lectures from the CEO all of the way down to managers or department heads. You may also see politicians give speeches. While you are reading their body language you may be able to determine a few things from whoever is speaking for whatever reason.

 

If you want to be able to persuade better there is no better avenue than to be able to speak in front of a crowd. For some who do speak in front of a crowd their body language is a distraction and the message that they are trying to deliver is not effective.

 

As with any deciphering of nonverbal communication or reading of body language you will want to baseline the person to set a guide as to what they do and whether it is normal for them or not. A man, woman or child will have different behaviors depending upon the situation and the emotion that they are feeling. Its always a good idea to get a feel for what they do as a routine and what is not normal for them.

 

When you are watching a man or a woman giving a speech there are many items that you can take a look at to determine what is going on with them. You may see signs and or signals of:

  • ·         Nervousness
  • ·         Lies and or deceit
  • ·         Frustration and or anger
  • ·         Surprise

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Body language of nervousness and speaking

First off many people are not comfortable speaking in front of crowds or even groups of one two people let alone a full room so an adventure in speaking brings out the nervousness even for successful leaders. One of the “tells” that you may pick up on is the way that the man or the woman walks to their spot to speak or their pulpit. You may see a lack of confidence or possibly even a slow long walk to where they need to be. For someone who is confident it just seems like they should be there, they have a good stride, they show confidence and they just seem comfortable wherever they are.  

 

As you watch for the nonverbal cues of  nervousness you will see than hands shake or even a look of being lost. You may see signs of lack of confidence with the walk or just while the man or the woman is standing there. Many times the man or the woman will focus in on one or two people that they may think are “safe” and it makes the situation awkward or dilutes the message that is being delivered.

 

If there is a pulpit for the person to stand behind there may be a “death grip” on the edges and the whole speech or talk and the person may learn in. While a woman or a man is behind a pulpit they may just look down at their notes and not even look up at the people that they are addressing.  

 

Body language of lies and or deceit while speaking

While you watch the man or the woman giving a presentation there are signs and signals that you may observe while they present that will give you clues to if they are telling the truth or not.

 

Since you have base lined the speaker you will be able to tell what is a normal or routine action for them or if their touch is out of the ordinary. You will also want to look for a mismatch where they may say that like something but their head shakes no like they were answering a question silently.

 

Some things to watch out for:

 

The man or the woman may show the lobster claw of deception or even touch their face at a point where the story gets too good or over the top. Now blinking can be induced by lighting, contacts or even medical conditions and it doesn’t always mean that the story isn’t true.  

 

Body language of frustration and anger while giving a speech   

Sometimes the man or the woman who is speaking doesn’t have a good or happy message to deliver. The words or the story that they punctuate are done so with their actions most of the time with their arms and or hands. Many times when anger or frustration is present the actions are sharp, overly animated and in some instances choppy. These actions are not to say that the man or the woman isn’t confident it is that they are amped up on emotion.

 

You may see the man or the woman shake their head and smash their lips together, take deep breaths before they speak, point or wag their finger, show the micro expression of disgust or contempt, wave their arm as if they are pushing or sweeping away an invisible object and in some rare instances give obscene gestures.   

 

In some instances there are times where the speech or the talk is on something that has some sorrow attached to it. You will more than likely see a lack of confidence or the shoulders turned in, possible grip on the lectern or pulpit and an overall slowing of the motions of the body.

 

Body language of surprise while giving a speech

Some men or women are given the opportunity to speak in front of a group of people and they were not even expecting it. You can see this when someone wins an event or is called in front of a group when a surprising event happens. In some instances this even may be something that causes sorrow.

 

If the even is good you may see micro expressions of surprise in the person who is asked to speak. There may be a huge genuine smile as a sign of satisfaction and happiness.

 

Learning how to read body language or interpret nonverbal communication can benefit you in the business world, personal life and or any given situation.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading the body language of a speech!

 

 

 

Now go implement!

 

 

 

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Body language of giving a speech by Body language expert Scott Sylvan Bell: video credit

Reading the body lanaguage of men part 3

Reading Body language: Understanding and interpreting or reading the body language of men can be used to determine if he is interested in you as in flirting, help you know if you are being seduced or it can even help you in negotiating in a business setting.

 

Nonverbally the body says more than you would think and many times these automatic gestures or actions will allow you to read his body language quickly and effectively.

 

 The first 6 step of 9 in reading his body language are:

  1.       Proximity or distance from the person or the people involved
  2.       What position is his boy in compared to others         
  3.       Where his hands and what are they doing?
  4.       Look at the direction of his feet and what they are possibly pointing at  
  5.       Decide what his shoulders are doing to tilt his body
  6.       Loot at his posture and whether he is standing or sitting  

 

The last three items while reading his body language to gain an upper hand are not always as easy as the first six. Now nobody said that reading body language was “easy” and didn’t have any drawbacks. In most instances the combination of all of these items do help you gain a possible understanding of what is going on but there may or may not be some rules set in stone.

 

Take for instance the proximity or distance in a crowded situation people will have to be closer like at a busy bar setting the distance of his bell bubble closer than normal and this may also determine how far his hands can move away from his body. This is where it becomes increasingly important to watch the situation and figure out what is going on.

The body language of a man who is flirting
How can I tell if a guy is flirting with me? A way to read a mans body language

 

Another place where you can have some issues while reading and deciphering the body language of men is when you look at his posture: What if he has a medical condition and you make a snap judgment if he is showing confidence but because of an injury or something similar you read him and determine his body language is saying something else.

 

There is one rule that covers all the others and that is take you time to determine what his body language his saying by base lining or watching him for a few seconds or meanings to see his routines and normal actions.

 

So yes the rules do get a little complicated but by following these few steps you can determine what a man’s body language actions mean and keep you from being wrong in making snap judgments.

 

You may also have some unconscious reactions to these nonverbal cues and not really understand why unless you have previously looked into reading body language. You may have intuitively understood what things like his feet facing the door have meant but know you can tell for sure. Remember for you it matter how you react to situations while interpreting his non verbal actions mean. The ability to rad a mans body to understand his language is a skill.  

 

The last three steps in reading, interpreting and understanding a man’s body language are and can be a little more challenging.

 

Step 7, 8 and 9 – Reading men’s body language – look at his facial expressions, head and chin.

 

Now there is good reason that the last three things to look at while reading a man’s body language are all lumped together and that is because they interact with each other and rely on each other.

 

A mans facial expressions will help you determine the context of a situation. Are his eyebrows up or down, does his face show signs of stress or in other words is his jaw tight? Does he show signs of contempt? All of these items play into what reaction his body will show and can help you determine what he is saying nonverbally.

 

In most instances the center of the eyebrows going up can show signs of surprise, excitement. The eyebrows staying even can sometimes mean happiness while the center of the eyebrows moving down could be seen as anger or sorrow. Now this section of learning about what the eyebrows mean could fill pages alone and the explanation of micro-expressions would take more time and detail. Know that these are just quick generic rules and this information will be covered more later.

 

The eyebrows will set the stage for what the eyes will do and depending on what the eyebrows and face are doing the structure of the facial expression will help determine what the eyes will say about the situation.

 

Step 8 – Reading men’s body language – look at his head and the direction it is going.

 

The tilting of the head can show interest, reaction or even boredom. When the head reacts so will the rest of his body and the language that it communicates. If his shoulders are tilted his head will react also or his body’s position will look awkward. If he is interested he may lean his head in towards you while flirting but this may also happen if he is angry. This is where it comes in handy to understand what the actions of his eyebrows mean.

 

In some instances the tilting of the head away from a person can show attraction but chin would somewhat point at the person who the interest is found in.  

 

Step 9 – Reading men’s body language – look at his chin

 

Lumping facial expressions head and chin all together was done because they all interact at the same time but they are all categories of their own in a sense.

 

The chin down could mean a sign of sorrow or boredom and if a man is into you his chin may only go down to his chest for a second while he arched his eyebrows looking at you. Now this does depend upon the situation as does reading and interpreting most body language actions.

 

Body language of a man flirting
Body language and the interested man

The chin up could determine how much self-confidence the man has but that would also be encompassed with the other 8 steps. If the chin is too far up at may be a sign of arrogance or a stiff neck so you may want to save this body reading action for last.

 

Men do not normally communicate with their chin down to their chest and on the other end of the spectrum men normally do not communicate with their chin up as high as possible so determining where the correct or normal location can help you understand or interpret what state of mind he has or possibly even an emotion that he is feeling.  

 

 Reading body language note of caution

It is always important to note that these are all general guidelines and do not always 100% determine what is going on. Depending on where you are in the world and the social situations they could be wrong. It is a good idea to watch and see what reactions the people have who are interacting with others before judgments are made. It is also important for you to look at the context of a situation before you make judgments about what is going on. Reading body language is not always an exact mathematical formula meaning A+B = C it can be far more complicated than that.

 

Body language exercises

 

The eyebrows say more than you would think, for just a second arch your eyebrows as if you were angry, so that would mean that just above your nose your eyebrows would drop down and your eyes may squint.  How does that feel for just those few seconds?

 

Now open your eyes and arch your eyebrows as if you were surprised. Now in just those few quick instances how did either one of those exercises make you feel? When you are done reading this information try it in a mirror and see what your reactions are. Last try looking at a partner and do the same items to see what your reactions would be.

 

*As a side note this exercise may not help you if you decide to test this out on a person unless you let them know first what you are doing or you may just get a chance to interpret what their body language along with some verbal communication is saying*

 

 It is important for you to see what your body does and the possibilities of your reactions so that you know and understand what your own body language is saying so that you can identify what other peoples body language is portraying. Next let’s take a look at head tilts:

 

Now look and think about something in the room that you can see and would be interested in get interested in it and become curious about it. Did you tilt your head towards that thing you are interested in or thinking about or did you tilt your head away from the item or did you even tilt your head at all? Where did your chin go towards the item or away, to your chest or did you raise it?

 

Now do the same exercise as if you were angry with the item. Are you tilting towards it or away from it? Where does your chin go when you are not happy vs where does it go when you are happy?

What did you learn about yourself and how you communicate?

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading body language.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credit: Businessman Sat Talking On Mobile Phone by Ambro, Loving Couple Look Each Other by photostock

 

Reading body language of men part 2

 

body language of mens posture can determine flirting
Body langugae of men and seduction

Reading Body language: When looking or reading the body language of men there is a simple 9 step process that helps you understand what nonverbal communication is happening

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The first 3 steps in reading his body language for business, datting or seduction or even safety are:

1.      Proximity or distance from the person or the people involved

2.      What position is his boy in compared to others?

3.      Where his hands and what are they doing?

 

The next three steps in reading his body language consist of determining a few more things that will help you decipher the situation and what is going on between him and others.

 

Step 4 – Reading men’s body language – look at his feet

When looking at a man to determine what his communication is you will look at his feet. Now the feet will either consciously or subconsciously point to what he is thinking about or what he may be interested in you.

 

Is he thinking about the woman over in the corner? He may start by pivoting his body and then will eventually get the courage to go over and flirt with her, he may already be engaged in flirting with the woman and he is waiting for the perfect time to go over and chat her up.

 

In a business setting the body language of his feet may be saying that he needs to leave, the new potential client is long winded and he has a meeting to get to. His feet or even maybe one foot will point at the door and a way saying “I want to go that way and get out of here.

 

So there is the potential when reading his body language of a man that it may be he is either interested in something going where his feet point at that person or object on or uninterested and then will point his foot or feet at that object or person.   

 

In the instance of non verbal communication the feet may determine the direction of conversations and actions literally.

 

Step 5 – Reading men’s body language – look at his shoulders

The next step while reading the body language of a man for dating or business is to look at his shoulders in context of his feet. If he is standing the second he points his feet any other direction than forward his shoulder will dip towards the direction that his foot is going.

 

There is a very simple body language exercise of standing and directing both feet directly at the wall in front of you and then slightly start to twist the right foot and start to move it towards the wall to your right. If you do this in a mirror you will see you shoulder drop.

 

This same exact nonverbal cue will happen for men or for women so it is important to note that your shoulders will be a gibe away for whatever your feet are doing.

 

The shoulders will also determine the amount of self-confidence that he may have. If his shoulders are drooped there is a possibility that he lacks confidence especially if his chin is down. Now be careful here because it may be that he is tired and or that the chair he is sitting in is not comfortable this is where the signs and signals of a man’s body language may be misinterpreted. This non verbal communication of the shoulders must be looked at in context of everything else that is going on and not just by itself.  

 

If the shoulders are up and the chin is up there is a good possibility that everything is ok with what is going on around him. There is one clue as to if there is danger or stress and as his shoulders will be rolled back and more than likely his fists will be balled up if there is confrontation going on between him and others. This puffing up is a natural reaction of a fight or an altercation.

 

Learning how to read the body language of men does take some time to learn and there is more elements to look at nonverbally than just one specific body part.

 

Shoulders and chins can help determine the body language of men
Understand his body language by learning about his shoulders and chin

 

Step 6 – Reading men’s body language – Look at his posture

In reading the body language of men the posture is next on the list now this item is similar to where the shoulders are but now you would take into account his stance and whether he is standing or sitting.

 

The posture will play a part in his confidence but also if he is attentive to what is going on.

 

If the man is sitting and he is slumped forward do you think that he is interested in what is going on around him? Is it possible for him to see everything that is going on? If he is out looking for a woman or a partner can he see the cues or the flirting action of others.

 

If he is at work can he pay attention to what is being presented to him if he is in a meeting?

 

Does he seem confident as to what is being said or being presented?

 

In most instance his posture will determine his body language and most of the nonverbal emotional cues that go along with it.   

 

If he is flirting with a woman or a man his posture should show that he is interested by it being attentive. This does go back to primal days when people had to “peacock” or make themselves more attractive. “Peacocking” is a term used by pick up artists or seduction artists. If he were to slump down this effect would not be possible. When animals are in the mating mode they take up as much space as they can to be visible so their posture goes straight up and whatever parts of the body can go out to attract attention follow. Now this “peacocking” animal style would be a bad idea for a man who was trying to attract a mate to put his arms as far ways from his body as possible or to try and take up as much room as possible as it would go against social norms and he would lose social value. If he were trying to seduce a mate he would “peacock” on a smaller scale.

 

Body language or nonverbal communication exercise

 

As a body language exercise stand up straight with your shoulders out and with your chin up  breath in deep and exhale deep (but not too much where you pass out) and try and feel sorry for yourself or even try to not feel confident. Now do what you would to feel confident.

 

Now do the opposite stand up and roll your shoulders in chin down and breath slow and shallow and try and feel confident or excited.

 

What did you find?

 

If you did the exercise you would find it is hard for you to be in a good state of mind when your body language goes against what you are thinking.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about the body language of men or women.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits:  Business Man by Andy Newson, Man With Sunglasses by photostock

Reading body langauge of men part 1

Reading body language: When reading the body language of men there are a few things that you must do in order to interpret their activities. Communication skills for men or women go far beyond just having a verbal conversation, what is the body saying while the words are being used?

 

If you are a woman looking for a date or even someone in business who is trying to get an upper hand you may find it easy to understate the value of understanding the body signals and interactions of men.

 

Reading body language or nonverbal communication can be as difficult as you want to make it but for the most part reading the body language of men may be less complex than reading the body language of women.  

 

With reading the body language of men or women the first thing to do is to look at the situation first to baseline what is going on. Using this simple 9 step process you can determine what his body language signals are saying nonverbally.

 

The body language of men and their postions
How to interpret the body language of men

Step 1 – Reading men’s body language – What is the proximity?

 

Understanding body language begins with looking at the context of the situation; are the people close or are the far apart. By close are they within the bell bubble or 18 inches (45cm) from each other or is the distance greater?

 

The distance between the man and the other or others will determine how close the person or the people are as friends or if they are strangers. Usually people who are intimate as friends in that they have known each other for a while can enter into the 18 inch barrier (45 cm) and show no signs of discomfort or lack of trust.

 

Now this 18 inch (45 cm) barrier is a general guideline and not an absolute there are some men or women who have a 36 inch (91cm) proximity comfort zone while some men or women may not mind another person being near them even close enough for touch.  

 

The proximity of people and men will determine what communication is taking place and how intense or how intimate the interactions are.  

When women flirt with men sometimes they will touch or enter closer into the man with proximity. Now with flirting it does not always mean that the woman will get closer to the man in proximity but it can happen.

 

Step 2 – Reading men’s body language – What position is the body in?

 

Once you have determined how far away the person or the people are away from each other you can now look at the position of the body.

 

Knowing the position of the body will clue you in to understand what the context of the situation is.

  • ·         Is the man standing
  • ·         Is the man sitting
  • ·         Is the man leaning
  • ·         Is the other person or people in relation to the man doing similar activities or are they in other positions?

 

The context will tell you what type of interaction that the person or group should have. This information will set the stage for base lining the signs and the signals that the man should have with his body language.

 

Typically if he is sitting the other people should be sitting also, if he is standing the other people or person should be standing also. Now this is a general rule and not always an absolute as in many instances with body language.

If the man is flirting with a woman he may draw in closer to her and position himself so that he has a communication advantage with her.   

 

 Step 3 – Reading men’s body language – Look at his hands

 

Looking at a man’s hands when he is interacting with others may define the situation as it is happening.  The hands will determine the situation and some of the context along with defining some of the proximity.

 

Learn how to read the body language of men
Reading the body language of men for flirting

Depending upon the situation and the amount of people the hands will show if:

  • ·         There is common ground between the two people ar the group
  • ·         Aggression between the people or the person in question
  • ·         How close intimate the group is and sometimes it may judge how long they have known each other

 

When people are under stress or duress their hands will normally close as a way that begins the protection process. When people are about the fight they ball up their fists and will leave them at their sides in order to make a strike. Almost every time when people have their fists balled up it is to help “protect” the body subconsciously.

 

If the hands are flat open it is normally a sign that things are ok and not aggressive. Nonverbally the hands say and determine much of the body language.

 

Is the man holding something? If he is holding a drink is it in front of him where it is a barrier? If the man does hold the drink in front of him it may show a lack of confidence or a non verbal barrier to keep others away.

 

If the man is holding a drink to his side it may just mean that he is comfortable. It may not always be a drink that the man is holding it may be a book, it may be a briefcase it could even be a jacket. Know that just because there is something in front of the man it does not mean that he lacks confidence.

 

The hands of a man sometimes will be open or more animated when fliting and may even do so when the man is excited in general.

 

First determine proximity then the position and then the hands and you can understand why his body language is acting the way it is even without verbal communication.

 

Next up will be the next 3 steps in reading men’s body language.

 

 As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading body language.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits: Handsome Young Man Looking Up by photostock, Young Man by photostock

 

Reading the body language of car salesmen

Reading body language: Car salespeople almost invoke the same amount of fear into people as IRS agents. Being able to read the body language or non-verbal communication of car salesmen may just take away some of the fear before you walk on the lot.

 

Before you read the body language of a car salesman it is important to know what your body language is doing or what your communication is doing nonverbally. If you are uncertain of anything your nonverbal communication will show this.

 

Now there are times to be scared but dealing with salespeople is just like dealing with anyone else. Time will be what is on your side or what is against you. Your body language will show hungry or tired so the best game plan of going into a dealership means that you have enough sleep. When you get hungry your defenses go down and you will make decisions that you may not have wanted to previously. You will have issues of buying if you are tired.

 

For you have the best chances of getting what you want it is a good idea to eat before you go to a car lot and to also bring some food and drinks with you. Now besides getting your loan from a bank or credit union before you show up on the car lot food, drinks and a calculator are the best things to have in your arsenal.

 

On your end while buying a car your body language can give up your position or your beliefs.  The best thing for you to remember on your side is to not give up too much reaction or too much emotion. Be careful to not show:

  • ·         Fear
  • ·         Anger
  • ·         Frustration
  • ·         Excitement at some stages

 

Now as you enter a car lot there are things that you should know. On any lot there are behind the scene games going on and you enter the game without even knowing. As you drive up there is a “fight” between salesmen as to who is going to get to talk to you. In some instances it is up to who is selling or who is not.

 

As you get out of your car you may be given up on by the salesman who wanted you as a “client” previously because the way that you look or the clothes that you are wearing.

 

You will be approached by a rogue salesperson who may ask if they can help you. For some dealerships this may not be able to happen until you put your hands in your pockets or look tawards the front of the building. If hand in the pockets are needed of or the look to the building is required the people who are the spotters will signal the salespeople to meet with you.

 

Your first salesperson is there to read your body language and get some information from you to see if you are a good potential client for the sales team. If you are a difficult buyer and the salesmen is experienced he will signal the people in the tower who are watching to send over a new salesperson in a few minutes.

 

This signal that he uses will seem like normal body language, he may straighten his, run his hands through his hair, adjust his jacket or even actually signal with his hands in a way that you just think that he is using nonverbal communication.

 

The salesman is reading everything about you, he has more than likely done this before and you are not the first person that he has “sold” something to. He or she will be able to tell more about you than you think just from a few minutes, yes you are being judged and it may not be fair to you but that is how it works.

 

Once you decide you want to take the car for a test drive you enter into a sales funnel and everything has been engineered for you to buy something.

  • ·         The test drive is meant for you to take ownership and get used to being behind the wheel.
  • ·         Part of the test drive should be on the freeway to get the feel of what it is like to go to work
  • ·         Driving on the side streets is to get the feel of what it is like to drive to the store
  • ·         If you are married or in a relationship it is now time to switch seats and get the other person to drive.

 

You look at the other person and give the “nod” or “wink” and the salesperson reads your body language and know that it is time to go deeper into the funnel.

 

You go back to the dealership and go from a large lot to a big office and then into a smaller cubicle. There are signs everywhere that are meant to prime you with numbers to get you used to seeing dollar amounts as high or higher than monthly payments or even as much as the car. The signs around the area will have people smiling or families together once again more primes.

 

You then sit at a round table and you are sat together so that the salesman can watch the both of you being separated is a difficult thing to deal with because the salesman cannot see you make signals or winks. Know that in some places there may be cameras to look for your nonverbal communication and to look for your readiness to move forward.

 

Being brought to a smaller area is done on purpose to make you feel tighter, closer but also to control you more.  

 

The car salesman may give off more covert signals to his helpers once again along the lines of a hand sign, moving a tie, tying a shoe or just about a million other nonverbal communications to signal where the sales call is going.

 

Know that the more that you are consumed with information the more difficult it may be to keep up so that small items are slipped in. Using a 4 square sales process is a way that the information difficult to keep up with.

 

The salesman is looking at your body language bit also listening to phrases you say like: “When we get this car home” or even “I can’t wait to take this car to….” Your words are signs that you desire ownership.

 

At this point whatever “deal” you came up with will fall through and the salesperson may get disappointed and show signs of stress with his body language. The salesman may rub his head, his chin or the back of his neck. He may say things like: I cant believe this has happened” or “let me go talk to my manager”. This is all done on purpose to give you and the other person with you time to talk and get your game plan together. No in some places the sales floor may have a microphone on it and what you are saying may be head, in some places you may be on video and your nonverbal communication is being watched.

 

The salesguy or girl will come back with a counter offer and get excited for what he or she came up with. The deal that he or she has will be slightly more than what you wanted but you will be asked to see if you can make the payment or take a car with fewer options for the same amount as the car that you were shown.

 

Once again your body language will be watched for your buying signs and or signals. The phone may ring with a last minute offer and the call is scripted and in some instances there may be tones in the phone that tell the salesman what type of credit you have. His body language has been scripted and he or she has been coached as to what to do exactly, it is no mistake.

 

From here you either make the deal or you do not. Know that you becoming tired and putting time into the situation are done on purpose because once people have invested significant time into something they typically will not walk away. Know that if you are slightly tired or hungry it is easier to get to yes and a sale.

 

A little of this information will go past body language but it is good to know what you will do and pay before you go to the car lot. Having your budget set and knowledge of your credit helps you more than you would know. Having financing before you go to the car lot will give you an upper hand with negotiating but remember reading body language for you and the salesperson has a great deal to do with reactions.

 

Know that there are many great salespeople who will do the right thing for you in most situations and just like everything else there will be those few who ruin it for the “good guys”. As a side note not all car lots are bad or use deceptive behavior but it is good to know what to look for when there are the ones who bend the rules of ethics.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about body language.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits:

Reading body language: Are you making these common nonverbal mistakes?

Reading body language: How do I avoid making people uncomfortable while communicating effectively? This is a common question that is asked of those who know how to explain body language or nonverbal communication.

 

The answer isn’t always that simple.

 

Sometimes people just don’t get it or they just don’t care. When communicating with others there are nonverbal things that can be done to make the people who are being spoken to entirely uncomfortable and when these offenses are done it could be a complete accident or the pther person is oblivious as to what they do.

 

Have you ever walked away from a person and have not understood why you were uncomfortable with what they said to you, or it could have been you were just creeped out and walked away with the chills?

 

Chances were that the body language or the non verbal communication skills of the offender were not that good or they were just someone who lacked social skills so that their style of communication was unusual and or very uncomfortable.

 

Do you make these common body language mistakes?

 

Here are some of the ways that you can unconsciously offend those around you and cause your message to not be delivered. Now it doesn’t matter if you are in sales, looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend or just talking to a friend you can make these mistakes.

 

Body language of the eyes: Now for many people visual contact will make or break the way that your message is or not delivered. It usually isn’t the lack of eye contact that causes a problem it is the location at which the people look. Here is the most common issues that people find themselves in besides lack of eye contact:

 

  • ·         Staring at the lips, not this is usually a sign of sexual advance and not the best way to nonverbally communicate while talking to a man or a woman unless it is a sexual advance that you want.
  • ·         Staring at body parts, now for men it is difficult to look at some women without  looking at specific places especially when the clothing allows a distraction.
  • ·         Shifty eyes, there are some people who just look at everything and it seems as if there may be a possible drug problem.
  • ·         When having a conversation with a person the best area to look at is across the eyebrows to the bottom of the nose. If you would like to make a person uncomfortable you can stare at their chin or forehead and this can be used as a ploy for some negotiators.

The rules of nonverbal communication include proximity

 

When it comes to making people uncomfortable with body language next on the list would be proximity or how close people are to you. There are a few offenses that people can make when it comes to not understanding proximity that should be used in a given situation. Here are the most common mistakes that people make when identifying the distance that can be comfortable while communicating.

 

  • ·         Standing too close to the person who you are talking to. This is uncomfortable and causes the person to not listen to the message but question in their head “why is this person standing so close” the whole time you are talking to the
  • ·         The opposite of standing too close would to have a conversation form an uncomfortable distance. When communicating either verbally or nonverbally there is an acceptable distance to stand away from the person who is communicating with you. If you are too far away it just seems strange and doesn’t feel like the message can be delivered. The communication is strained and then has a tough time being effective.

 

Does body language include touching another person, or is that seduction?

 

Last on the list of uncomfortable body language or nonverbal communication skills is touch. If you are a man there is a double standard for sure when it comes to touching another person. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to touch a man or a woman but when the situation is the other way around it is not always acceptable for a man to touch a woman. This is a social norm you can’t really change.

 

Some people will move too quickly with touch if they are attracted to the other person, it may seem like it is a hypnotic response where touch seems required in their mind but it is too much too soon.

 

  • ·         Touching someone too soon into a conversation or even a relationship is not a good idea. Kinesthetic people or those who are more touchy feely have a tough time with this boundary and then do not understand why there is such a bad reaction to their style of communicating. If you touch a person before you have acceptable rapport can cause mistrust or even cause a confrontation. This can be confused by them because they as a kinesthetic person do not have a problem standing or sitting in close proximity to another person.
  • ·         Touching someone in an inappropriate place is a huge offense. Now you may not think that some places would be off limits so the best place to touch a woman is usually on the upper arm from between the elbow to the shoulder. If you do not know the person very well the upper arm is the only location to touch besides the top of the hand when appropriate. Now this rule may be entirely different if you are trying to attract or even seduce another person.  

 

Your ability to deliver an effective message is up to you. Your body language and non verbal communication skills are going to determine what people think when they are done with a conversation with you. What communication is may not always be defined by you.

 

To learn more about the different styles of learning or modalities NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming would be a good start to build better rapport or even to learn how to communicate more effectively. This would include kinesthetic, visual and even auditory modalities of learning.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comment and or questions about body language.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits:

Reading body language: How to learn to read body language or nonverbal communication, an easy guide

 

Reading body language: While reading body language there are many things that you have to do as an observer to get a better understanding of what is going on between the people or group and their nonverbal communication.

 

It isn’t always the case where a person can just walk up and instantly know what is going on between a group or even between two people without making mistakes.

 

It has been said many times that a baseline or understanding has to be met to see what is going on. People who read body are sometimes seen as mind readers or clairvoyant but it may be from their training or previous experience.  If you jump to conclusions you can find yourself in some trouble or even in a confrontational setting.

 

There are so many situations where being able to read body language will give you an upper hand whether it is in your personal life, business life or even your dating life.

 

While looking at the body language of people there are only a few situations where it can be done:

  • ·         Live: where you are there in the moment looking as the situation is going on. You have only one chance to make sure that your reactions happen the right way and there is little room for error or bad judgment.
  • ·         Picture: You can look at a picture of series of pictures to determine what has happened the downside is that you are getting such a short sample of what has happened and you may be wrong as to the context of your judgment.
  • ·         Video: you get a snapshot in time as to how interactions between people have worked out as an added benefit you can stop and rewind a situation to look at it again.

 

If a picture is used this is only one small frame or snapshot in time for what has been happening but it doesn’t tell you exactly what was going on before. Video is a better format when possible to help understand what is going on with body language of friends or family. Being live or real time has the most amount of scrutiny because if you make a bad decision there is no going back.

 

While interpreting nonverbal communication there are a few things that you are looking for to decipher the situation.

 

 How does proximity affect body language interpretations or understandings?

The first and most telling of these situations would be proximity. Determining how close people are to each other will help you see the situation for what it is and for what is going on. While reading the body language of men or women the first thing to decide is what is or would be an appropriate distance to keep between the people.  

  • ·         How close are the people standing or sitting?
  • ·         Are the people within the “bell bubble” or the 18 inch distance from the body

Body language test #1

 

Stand face to face to a friend or relative five feet apart and slowly get closer to each other and note where either your decide that you are o close for comfort or their body language shows that that they are uncomfortable. It will be beyond a sight in some instances you will just feel uncomfortable.

 

Directions of the body and nonverbal communication

The next thing to look at while reading body language would be the body and or the direction the people are facing. This is going to show you inconsistencies or incongruences for things that may not be working out

 

  • ·         Are the people sitting, standing
  • ·         Where are the feet pointing if you can see them
  • ·         What is the trunk of the body doing?
  • ·         How are the shoulders sitting

 

The feet will help you understand if the person being viewed wants to get away from the situation because now the trunk of the body can follow. Is the body saying that the person needs to get away so that the shoulders are at a strange angle or are they showing closeness? In most instances people who are close will have their shoulders parallel to the other persons shoulders no matter how they are sitting or standing. Sometimes when the shoulders are at a slant moving away from the opposing body this could show that the person needs to get away but this is not always the case. If the shoulders are off congruency the rest of the trunk of the body will be also.

Body language test #2

To test this out sit in a chair and face your body towards a person, now you will keep the trunk of your body straight while twisting your shoulders slightly to your right. How do you feel about the person that you are facing? Now ask them how they feel about you. You can have them perform this same test just to see what it feels like. How do you feel about the body language that is being displayed when you get too close?

 

To take this body language test one step further have a conversation where you would feel like you would need good eye contact to practice with: meaning not a real conversation but one where you could imagine the both of you talking about something semiserious.

 

What communication is consistent between the two of you and where does the communication drop off?

 

 The context of touch and body language

 

Now you can determine what type of touch is going on while looking at the non verbal communication. The context of touch will be telling as to what type of relationship the people have, while learning about body language the context of touch is an important aspect to learn.

  • ·         Is the touch slight with a hand or a fingertip or is it a hug or a full body cover up
  • ·         Where on the body is the touch occurring, is it a place where a stranger would be allowed to touch or is it something a close friend would be involved with or lastly is it a lover or possible seducer.
  • ·         Is there reaction to the touch meaning is it comfortable for the person being touched or is there some issue there?

 

On the list or deciphering a situation while reading male or female body language next up the face and head will show you what is going on.

 

 The body language of your face and your expressions

 

 One of the most common areas to look to see what is being communicated nonverbally is to look at the face. This will help you understand better what communication is being used or portrayed.

 

From you looking at the peoples facial expressions does it seem like the person or people are:

  • ·         Happy
  • ·         Sad
  • ·         Scared
  • ·         Indifferent
  • ·         Nervous

These are just a few of the emotions the face can tell or put another way does each person in the situation exhibit the same emotion or is there a mismatch as to what is going on while one person has a smile the other person has a scowl on their face. If this is the case there is a problem here and this mismatch should be easily visible. Within this category would be the eyes and what they are doing.

 

Are the eyes of both parties going towards each other, are they looking at the common goal, is one person looking away while the person who should be looking that the same object obsessed with another object or person?

 

These are some of the firsts keys to look at while deciphering or understand the body language of men or women for work, fun or even seduction.

 

 As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about body language.

 

 Now go implement!

 

 Scott Sylvan Bell

 

 Photo credits:

 

Reading body language: How to spot a liar part 2

Reading body language: When reading the body language of deception or lies there is a long list of items to look at to determine if a man or woman is lying.

 

There is one universal body part to look at while determining if nonverbal communication is accurate.

 

While reading the body language of a man or woman it is important to get a feel for their normal activities or body language signs that are normal for them. When you have taken the time to learn people body language signals that they use when they are being inaccurate it will almost seem that you can read minds or that you are clairvoyant.   

 

Take for instance a person who is nervous when they are under pressure they will have certain things that they do constantly. It could be that they:

  • ·         Rub their hands
  • ·         Sweat when nervous
  • ·         Dressed different than what they are comfortable in
  • ·         Shift more than normal
  • ·         Licking their lips
  • ·         Playing with their hair
  • ·         Touching their face
  • ·         Abnormal movement in their chair or seat
  • ·         Lack of eye contact or over excessive eye contact
  • ·         Breath differently taking deep breathes or even staggered breaths
  • ·         Tap their feet on the ground or their hands on a table
  • ·         Directing the feet towards an exit

 

Now everyone has a go to body language or non verbal “tell” when they are nervous and it is important to identify it when possible. This idea has been mentioned quite a few times in order to remind you that under any given circumstance people will react in a specific way. This nonverbal “tell” may even include a facial expression or a signature movement with the hands or even a nod. The problem is that many times “tells” of nervousness can be the same tells that a person uses when they are lying.

 

How to tell if someone is lying with body language
Is my girlfriend cheating on me signs of body langugae

 

How to tell if a man or woman is lying!

 

So what happens if you meet a person for the first time and you don’t have a lot of time to determine if they are telling you the truth? There are a few things that will help determine if what they are saying is as accurate as their body language.

 

One way is that their story may be too good to be true or over told to make up what they think would be a deficiency in their own story. In this example the story may seem like it is pushed through and either overly detailed in areas that you would not normally ask about or seem like the story is too fast and there are too many holes that do not make sense. You would be able to look for abnormal actions like touching the face or even using the lobster claw of deception.

 

One way that commonly gets confused when it comes to reading body language especially when it comes to lying is that of the direction and orientation of the eyes.

 

NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming teaches that by looking at the location of the iris of the eye can determine the modality of learning for a person meaning are they:

  • ·         Visual or a person who learns from sight and sees what is going on.
  • ·         Kinesthetic or a person that learns and is comfortable with touch or feels their way through things.
  • ·         Auditory or a person who learns from hearing what needs to be done and listens intently.

 

Now there is an age old fairy tale that explains that when people look up and to the left there is fabricating going on or there may be a lie going on. In NLP this would signify visual construction (Vc) and if the person looked up and to the right this would signify visual remembered (Vr). The reason that this is thought of as a big deal is because in this theory visual construction means making up a story, fabrication or changing the story or even flat out lying.

 

NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming is not always right when it comes to any of their teachings but it does construct good guidelines for the way that things can be. When it comes to body language or non verbal communication there is not any rule that is 100% usable every time.

 

This theory of visual reconstruction would be great except that it is wrong and has been proven through a few studies done including one performed by Dr. Kevin Hogan. Police use this in interrogations, the military uses this style of lie detecting while interpreting stories about actions people have taken.

 

In some instances when men or women are lying they will not look at you while they are talking, now this may not mean that there is a lie directly going on but there is definitely something wrong with whatever they are talking about. This would also go with direct eye contact or looking someone in the eye. Now if a person has too much eye contact with you it is uncomfortable but if they do not make enough or if they break away too long at the wrong time it may be that there is a lie involved.

A good skilled liar knows this and may make the correct amount of eye contact and not really give off any signs of a lie. Most of the time when this situation happens you are dealing with a great manipulator and this type of person is great at guilting you into thinking that all of the problems and or issues are your fault. This is usually their giveaway more than
their body language and it is a verbal sign.

How to tell if your boyfriend is cheating on you
is my boyfriend cheating on me

Places to use body language signs or signals

 

Now where else could you use this information? There are plenty of places:

  1. 1.      A Job interview
  2. 2.      Dating or seduction
  3. 3.      Determining if a boyfriend or girlfriend is lying about where they were last night

 

Now what happens if you jump to conclusions too soon while reading the body language of males or females? You lose contracts, relationships, friends and you can even make some enemies. Understanding or interpreting body language and non verbal communication means you must be able to separate fact from fiction when it comes to knowing what is real and can help you or what is sometimes correct.

 

People have a tough enough time believing information and adding in the layer of detecting lies through nonverbal communication and half-truths makes this task even more difficult.    

 

What is body language? That answer will be up to you and what you think the other person communication is and how they fill in the voids of what you thinks as the viewer.

 

It is entirely possible for you to read a situation the wrong way and your reaction as it has been explained previously is what will cause a reaction in the other person. You must take the time to baseline people and understand their actions and why they perform them unless you are in a situation where you have to make a split second decision then go the direction where it keeps you the safest.

 

One of the biggest mistakes that can be made is believing that one “tell” of a body language sign or signal is a definite. One of these items is the blinking rate of a person or touching the face means that there is a definite lie. In either instance when a person uses these “tells” this is an area where something just inst quite right but does not mean that there is a definite lie. Making the mistake of saying there is an absolute tell of lying would be inaccurate. These examples could be used for politicians all the way to salespeople.

 

The key is to take you time to understand what peoples actions mean nonverbally.

 

As always I would like to thank you for your comments and or questions.

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits: Man by Salvatore Vuono, Woman On The Phone by Stuart Miles

Reading body language: How to spot a liar

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Reading body language: Deceptive body language or non verbal communication can destroy a message overt or even covert. You can have been telling the truth but you were betrayed by you facial expressions under pressure or even a “tell” you didn’t even know you hand when you were nervous.

 

When people lie there are physical actions that they make whether they know it or not.

 

What communication is will be determined by how effective both the verbal and nonverbal are contained within the message.

 

Salespeople are seen as liars no matter how persuasive their message ism the body language of men is under scrutiny most of the time by women, men want to know what the body language of women means so that they can possible determine if she is attracted to them and people in general just want to know what is body language. Politicians are also seen as liars and are under great scrutiny especially when there is controversy or debates for the Presidency.  

 

Some people who are good at reading body language or non verbal communication may be seen as having the ability to read minds or that they may be clairvoyant, this skill takes some time to take to learn.

 

How to spot a liar

 

Deceptive body language can be detected by base lining or watching the person to find their tells or the give away action when they lie. There may be one “tell” that is made or it can be a combination of a few “tells” 

 

When reading the body language of men or women there are some consistent things that people do when they lie and they may fall into one or more of these categories meaning they can have more than one tell and they include:

  • ·         Blinking more than often
  • ·         Covering their mouth or even trying to put their words back into their mouth
  • ·         Hiding their hands
  • ·         Covering their teeth with their lips
  • ·         Looking another direction
  • ·         Shaking one of their body parts with the wrong sign either up or down or left to right
  • ·         Tapping their foot of even feet
  • ·         Being unsettled in their chair
  • ·         Touching their face

 

Now the items in this list do not always mean that the persons body language or non verbal communication is deceptive or that they are lying but it can mean that something more is going on that what the person is alluding to.

 

When reading or learning how to read the body language of women their tells may be a bit more subtle and harder to catch then the deceptive body language of a man but this is not always the case.

 

Body language signals of lying in men or women

 

In many instances it will be the facial expressions that gives a person away but also in many instances it will be the body language of the arms or legs that will really give the person away non verbally.

 

When you are dealing with a person who is used to lying either man or women without plenty of work you will have a tough time catching them either verbally or non verbally because they are used to lying or being deceptive over and over again.

 

For reading the body language of deception most people are interested in trying to understand or interpret if their Husband, Wife, Boyfriend or Girlfriend is lying to them. The significant other may feel that their partner is either hiding something from them like money or hanging out with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

 

Body language signs of lying and deception usually point to where there is an issue with the truth and one of the things that can be caught is when the other person tries to shovel their words back into their mouths, this is just one tell that can be done when a man or woman is lying.

 

Communication skills are important to not just your business life but your personal life also. It would be a good idea for you to determine what your “tells” are so that you know what type of message may be being delivered if you get nervous and not for the ability to deceive others. With enough time around a person you will know how to read their body language and even facial expressions to understand if they are lying or telling the truth.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

Reading body language: The non verbal language of women part 3

Reading body language of women: Understanding female body language includes non verbal communication, apparel and accessories. Looking at what women decide to wear can help you determine many thins about them but specifically what women decide to wear can teach you many things about her non verbal communication.

 

When reading the body language of women there is one single item that almost every time is the one accessory that she will worry about more than anything else..

 

Now as a side note when a woman gets dressed is she more interested in dressing for the men or for the women?

 

Reading body language of women for seduction or attraction
Attract women with this nonverbal communication skill

 

Quick answer for the man or for the women?

 

Many times when women get dressed up they are doing what they can to not have other women discuss what they are wearing or how they are wearing it.

 

Many times when it comes to reading the body language of women of their non verbal communication to be more specific men do not even think of this.

 

Women know that for the most part they can do what they like for the most part and some of that may include flirting or seduction and most guys will eat this act up.

 

On the other hand the women are competing against each other for status or attention.

 

Ok so you do not believe this:

 

Next time you go out for a night on the town and you are in a small venue look at how women scan the room to check out their competition so that they “know” what they are up against.

 Know what to look at when determining female body language

They check out the other woman’s:

  • ·         Hair to see if the cut is nice and current
  • ·         Her makeup to see how it was applied
  • ·         Her top or blouse to see how it fits or even possibly to see if it is a designer label
  • ·         Her jewelry to see how extravagant it is or if she has a trophy ring (that means its big and that would equal her man has money for some reason the bugger the ring the more he loves her)
  • ·         Her chest to see what she is stacked against
  • ·         Her waist line to see if she is overweight
  • ·         Her backside to see if she is fit
  • ·         What type of nylons or possible legging she has on
  • ·         Lastly they look at other women’s shoes

 

All of these items are then added up in some mental mathematical size up and then deducted from her beauty or lack of and then a decision is made about what type of competition *she* is.

 

Now in all of this there is one accessory that has more weight than most items…

 

… and that would be her shoes.

 

If you are a man and you think you know about the non verbal communication of women and you don’t include her shoes into the equation you have made a mistake.

 

For women shoes make the outfit and are the keys to the kingdom.

 

Readinge the nonverbal communication of women and their shoes
Learn how to read the body language of women

 

Guys worry about their body language sometimes if they think about it. What women worry about has many more aspects they worry about facial expressions or features, body language signals, non verbal signs of flirting and so much more.

 

How understanding the body language of women can help with attraction

 

Now if you wanted to impress that special woman that you meet one of the best ways to grab her attention may be something you may have thought of as a joke.

 

The best non-verbal feature to comment on for a woman is her shoes. Now if you are looking to strike a conversation in a manner where you may be attracted or flirting there does have to be some finesse when it comes to making the comment on one of the most important accessories ever made for a woman.

 

Guys look at shoes as a part of clothing women look at shoes as one of the single most important inventions ever next to chocolate. For woman shoes make and finish or complete the outfit. For guys they are just boxes and boxes of costly shoes in the closet with funny names:

  • ·         Peeps
  • ·         Sling backs
  • ·         Pumps
  • ·         Flats
  • ·         Wedge
  • ·         Loafers

And the list can go on not to mention the designers who make them Jimmy Choo, Stuart Weitzman, Vera Wang, Prada, Christian Louboutin, Dior and so many more.

 

For guys or men there is no comparison for articles of clothing.  For women this *is* everything because more time is worried about shoes than the clothes that are worn. This is the non-verbal key.

 

Now if you want to master the skill of attraction, seduction or if you just want to impress a woman comment on how her shoes compliment or finish her outfit.  There is one bit of warning if you do this complement too soon in the conversation she will pick up on your fake complement and if you slide it in too late it will not fit in the conversation.

 

Reading female body language covers clothes, actions and even accessories.

 

In order for you to attract the girl you may need to increase you skills when relating to nonverbal communication and complementing shoes is one special key that unlocks many doors.  The attraction may not come from body signs or signals but your attention to detail and being able to complement it.

 

If you are a man and are competing with other men for the attention of a woman your ability to pick out some subtle clues may just help you.

 

Now this may not be of what you thought when you started to learn about seduction or even attraction but shoes are a simple topic to do some homework on. Go to a website where you could buy some women’s shoes. You could then learn about the types styles and manufacturers. Thinking ahead of other men and take some notes and your time invested would be less than half an hour or you could try and use the same old pick up line that other guys have tried.

 

Learning how to read, interpret and understand body language may increase your knowledge in more areas than facial expressions, body signs or even posture. It is ok to go and take physical field trips or even virtual trips to increase your ability to read non verbal communication.  Reading body language can open doors or even get you the girl when you know how to ask the right question or make the perfect statement.

 

I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell  

Photo credits: Stiletto Shoe by Boaz Yiftach, Group Of Girls Partying by photostock