Reading body language: In every day interactions people have beliefs about your nonverbal communication.
Things that we forget about as communicators just get stuck on auto pilot when it comes to our body language.
Hypnotist will point out that “you can feel your right big toe throb” because it is pointed out. Reading body language or controlling your nonverbal actions are similar to the example of what the hypnotist would tell you.
Fidgeting has to be one of the most common actions that gets picked up easy by a person who is viewing you as a communicator. While the person watches reads your body language they see your fidgets as:
- · Nervousness
- · Possible signs and signals you are lying
- · Lack of self-control
Fidgeting can be:
- Playing with your hair
- Wringing your hands or being occupied with them or something in them
- Playing with something in front of you or onyour clothes
- Tapping the table
Reading the body language of fidgeting
Nervousness has many things that play out and fidgeting is one of them. Some people will play with their hands either rubbing them together or picking on their fingernails. The reasons that a person could be nervous may there is plenty of stress on the person or it is natural. There are some who just over time have started to fidget like some lick their lips.
Now for those who want to look at every body language sign and signal as a hotspot of someone lying this really may be one of those nonverbal actions that do point to someone not being truthful or that they are telling a lie.
Just because someone fidgets somehow it does not make them a liar remember it could be that they are just nervous.
Just for a second pretend that when you were stopped by the police for something but you don’t know why. You have not been in trouble in your life and you get hauled into the police station for a lineup for a crime that you didn’t commit. Would you be nervous? Yes you would be. Would you be fidgeting with something, your hands, your hair or even a piece of paper and a pen? That’s a good possibility. Would it be called for? Yes it would and it would almost be expected.
Now take an everyday example: You are at breakfast at a diner with a significant other and you are fidgety. Is this normal for you? Possibly, but what if the fidgeting wasn’t there? That could mean that something is going on that would need to be investigated more.
Just because someone has an action in their body language that can be read as bad does not determine for 100% that that they are doing the action that you believe.
Some say that when people are fidgety that it is an instant sign that they are lying. That could be the case if they are not a person who fidgets normally.
People under stress will fidget, people who are nervous will fidget and people who have a
natural action of fidgeting will fidget. Body language means to people what it does as the other persons actions happen, and that means if that person thinks that fidgeting is a “tell’ that you are lying then in their mind you are a liar.
The tough thing about reading body language is that so many people believe so many different things. If someone has read that fidgeting is a sure sign or “tell” that you are a liar then it is difficult to prove otherwise until the person learns that they are wrong and then accepts that their knowledge and skills of reading body language are flawed.
Fidgeting on a date could signify to some that you lack confidence and do not deserve the person that you are with. Fidgeting on a job interview may mean that you are lying about your qualifications. Fidgeting with a significant other can mean that you are just being you.
Reading body language and good signs of fidgeting
If you are playing poker you can use fidgeting as a way to throw a “tell” so that the opponent may think that you don’t have a good hand. In this case fidgeting is a good thing for you to do if you think that as a strategy it will give you an upper hand between you and the other players.
Oh so you thought that all examples here would be negative. In just about everything there can be a positive and a negative including using fidgeting to your advantage.
Ok so you want another example where fidgeting could be good for you? That would be if you are buying something and you know that you have room to negotiate or maybe you think that you don’t have room to negotiate. When you as the buyer get to the end of the conversation of price for the product or service you would just be quiet and fidget for a minute and more than likely the salesman will lower the price if he doesn’t know or understand your game. In this case fidgeting can make you money or save you some.
Nervous signs of communication can sometimes be a good thing like in gambling or negotiating.
Go out and fidget the right way for your own personality but be aware that others can see it for something that it may not be.
Reading body language is a skill that you can learn from a body language expert. Learn how to read body language signs and signals here.
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about fidgeting and body language.
Now go implement!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Oops Gesture by Michal Marcol,Tied Hand by Danilo Rizzuti :Photo credits for reading body language of fidgeting