Body language of sadness: When looking at the body language of men or women there are ways to almost “read minds” by being able to understand and interpret the micro expressions of sadness.
When you are sad there are certain things that you will do nonverbally and there are specific things you will do with your facial features. The body language of sadness has some very specific things that happen with the face.
You can read the micro expressions of sadness by looking at:
Micro expressions of sadness and the eyes
When a man or a woman is sad their eyes will droop from the top and while looking at them they will not have focus. It will almost seem like they are not looking at anything in specific or have nowhere to go. There is no sense of purpose about the man or the woman who is showing the signs and signals of sadness.
Micro expressions of sadness and the mouth
As you look at a person who is displaying the micro expression of sadness you will see their mouth turn down with a slight pull to the corners. This look will be like a slight pout. You may even see a little twitching when looking at the corners
Micro expressions and the rest of the body language of sadness
Any emotion will leak through other parts of the body when someone is living through them. Most of the time when a man or woman is sad you will see them moving slower than normal almost like they are in a sped up version of slow motion. You may see their arms folded as if they are holding themselves. There may even be more signs in the body language of someone who is showing the emotion of sadness and that may be they the man or the woman will look downwards consistently. Last of all you may see that the man or woman who is sad breathes slower than normal.
Its always a good idea to baseline a person who’s body language you are reading first. This means that you watch their actions and or their micro expressions for a moment before coming to a conclusion about what their body language is saying.
Learn how to read body language and micro expressions
No matter what micro expression that you want to learn how to read or what signs and signals of body language you find interesting you will want to see what you do when you yourself live through the emotion. Whether you want to understand any of the 6 mico expressions of:
It will help you to see what you may do in the same given situation.
In order to do this you may have to think about something that has happened to get you to this emotion, watch a movie or even talk to someone you don’t like on the phone. Whatever you decide to do to get to your emotion remember that this is a learning experience and not to act out on the emotion you are practicing.
Body language of fear: When it comes to reading body language or nonverbal communication of the “tells” or “leaks” that people have and can’t really control are micro expressions.
While reading the micro expressions of fear there are a few items to look at while reading facial expressions:
·The eyes and eye lids
Micro expressions of fear and the eyebrows
The eyebrows with the micro expression of fear with start with the eyebrows. They eyebrows will move upwards but also smash towards the center of the nose as one single movement. In most instances the eyebrows will move up as high as possible.
Micro expressions of fear and the eyes
With the emotion of fear the micro expressions for this non verbal action will have two things that happen.
1.The top of the eyelids will move up high
2.The bottom eyelid will flatten out
For all micro expression this is the only one that has these two actions when it comes to the eyes.
Micro expressions of fear and the mouth
When the emotion of fear is expressed the facial feature of the mouth will cause the corners of the lips to pull back towards the ears. This facial feature will almost make the lips flat.
Body language of fear
When a man or a woman shows the nonverbal emotion of fear the hands may raise in front of their face or trunk to protect the body. There are times where the hands and arms may get pulled to the body. Different people may have completely different reactions.
There are some times where reading the body or the nonverbal communication must be done instantly. In those cases it would be a good idea to have enough knowledge to act correctly.
Learn how to read micro expressions and body language
Learning how to process and read non verbal communication may be easier and more fun than you would think. The first place to learn is with friends or family that you know. Your greatest tool for learning how to read body language is a video camera or a mirror. Put yourself in a situation where you can make the required signs, signal or facial expression and either watch what you do in a mirror but the best bet is to record your own reaction so that you can slow down the video and watch in slow motion. With a video camera you have the ability to rewind and watch over again so it is one of the best options to learn how to read body language.
How to learn to read nonverbal communication or body language
Body language mistakes: Now there are so many things that you can do right when using body language to be more persuasive. You don’t have to be an expert to know about body language that can offend others.
Now think for just a second about when you get to see a hidden message that others have not. It may happen on television or it can be something that you catch out of the corner of your eye. Now what if you were the one who made the body language mistake?
Body language mistakes in a covert manner
It is possible to have some covert messages or even embedded commands build into body language or non verbal communication. Now some of these messages are so strong that the “non verbal” element really doesn’t matter and the message really isn’t covert anymore.
Salespeople make the body language mistake of letting their minds go on autopilot and allow their facial expressions and or hand gestures to display what they are thinking without thinking. The response that may happen is not always the best. In this instance the potential client does not have to be the best at reading people he or she is not engaged anymore and the chances of business happening are slim to none when these covert body language messages are caught.
The first thing for you to know if you live your life in a profession that requires your ability to persuade others is that your body language mistakes can be caught and beat. It is best for you to know about body language or nonverbal communication to help you understand the signs and signals that may allow others to interpret your message incorrectly.
Body language mistake of fingers
In the western culture it is common to point with your index finger, the digit closest to your thumb. Its not nice to point and this hand gesture can get you in trouble when done wrong because it can trigger the “rejection mechanism” in the mind of the person being pointed at.
There are some people who point with their middle finger …
And those people create problems for themselves with the covert body language mistake. Their message may not have a negative non verbal element but when the person gets caught by the brain with the hidden or covert body language message it is tough to recover because who is going to confront a person about being “flipped off” as its called here in the United states or even “flipping the bird”
What is body language? Very destructive when perceived wrong is the answer..
Its best to not point with anything but your index finger when need and if at all possible it is best to use a pen when available or an open palm. You don’t have to be an expert at reading people to know when the middle finger is used to convey a thought or message.
Learn how to read people like an expert with this course on body language
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about common body language mistakes.
Now go implement!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Video credit: Body language expert Scott Sylvan Bell – Body language mistakes
Determining what communication is while flirting for some can be a challenge when they try to read men or women’s body language.
The hands and the body are the two physical things that can be touched or used to flirt with men or women.
There are times where touching the other person in order to flirt happen for both sexes. There are challenges with the body language of flirting because it is easy to go too far quickly and cross the line of appropriate actions.
While flirting with the hands touching the other person’s body can be done in a few places that right off would be along the realms of appropriate. The first safe place is the upper arm the second place would be the forearm and lastly the hand may be the last place that would be considered appropriate.
Now there are some people who are just more “touchy” than other and may just come across as a big flirt and that is why you would have to look at the body language of the man or the woman who you consider flirting with you. Some of what you would have to consider would be their verbal actions but for the most part most flirting would come across as non verbal.
To determine if someone is flirting with you by touch you would have to consider the other signs of flirting.
Is the man or woman using the other nonverbal communication skills: A head tilt, the arching of eyebrows a wink, fluttering their eyes, licking their lips or even staring at the mouth? Those are all ways that flirting can happen.
The last part of flirting and body language would be contact with the body. There are times where men or women could be completely overt in their actions while flirting. For men or women a body brush can happen or occur. This is where someone brushes up against you and there was not a need. Now if you are in a crowded place it does not mean that someone is interested if they brush against you but if some of the other signs of flirting with body language are used you may have a man or a woman who is interested in you.
The body language of flirting can also use proximity or the distance that one person is from the person who they may be flirting with. In most instances the interested person will draw closer to the person that they are flirting with.
Now whether the person is close in proximity or a little further away “preening” may be used as a way to gain attention. The preening that could be used may include:
·Playing with hair
·Fixing clothing are fixing an accessory
·Rubbing a body part as a way to accentuate that specific area and in some instances this may be an explicit action.
Some of these actions while reading the body language of flirting can be seen directly while some of these actions may be a little more covert. The beast plan of action is to understand what each action means before having to interpret them incorrectly.
Taking your time to learn how to read body language or non verbal communication of flirting and seduction can help you understand more about human relations.
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading body language or nonverbal communication.
Now go implement!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Photo credits: Business Women by photostock, Asian Model Woman-Thai Ethnicity Beauty by posterize
Reading body language: Flirting is one of the most misunderstood concepts when it comes to others reading the body language of men or women, in the last article on reading body language the head was used to describe some of the ways that a man could be flirted with along with a woman.
Understanding what communication is being presented in front of you may help you to determine if someone is interested in you for more than just a friendship. Reading the body language of flirting will go into other items besides the actions of a man or woman’s head tilts, there is the art of reading facial expressions.
The facial features of flirting can include using
Using eyebrows to flirt
There are very specific things that people will do to flirt with a man or a woman and there can just be one thing used in their body language that can be read into. When a person is using their nonverbal communication and eyebrows they may arch them quickly once or twice to see if the other person is receptive to the advance. In some instances the flirter will make sure that their message is seen and will arch their eyebrows a few times. If done too many times towards a target that is being flirted at the flirter may be seen as being desperate or even that there may be a lack of social value.
Part of the fun for some of the people who flirt with others is the thrill of the chase. Once this flirter reaches and gains the attention of their target they may just give up and move onto the next person hat they wish to target. So as a side note there are people out there who just are flirting to get a quick fix of attention.
Once someone has possibly used their head or eyebrows they may use their eye or eyes to gain attention they may even use their eyes to grab your attention. When people use this nonverball communication there may be a few things that can be done:
1. Flirting action of Winking – This wink can just be from a quick action or they even wink once slower than what you would think. The downside is that you may think that someone was flirting and they may just have something in their eye.
2. The flirting action of batting the eyes – Sometimes women while flirting will bat their eyes or flutter them at a person that they may interested in. This is not as common as a wink at a person to flirt with them.
3. The flirting action of the stare – Sometimes to get the attention one may stare to at a person to flirt with them or use this action for a while until the other person looks and then the eyebrows can be arched or a wink can be used.
4. How to flirt with your mouth. Sometimes while flirting will blow a kiss and even sometimes as a overt action some will lick their lips. It is good to know that sometimes people may unconsciously lick their lips when they are attracted to you. Sometimes even a smile can be considered a form of flirting but it will really depend upon the situation. As a side note if you stare at someone lips while they are talking to you and this is not a situation where flirting is involved it can be looked at like a sexual advance.
While being flirted with the nonverbal communication from the other person may be overt in nature or almost covert depending upon the situation. Knowing what each action being used with these body language techniques can help you land a new friend or even just to learn to have more fun.
As with reading the body language of other people there are times where you can be right with your interpretation of the actions or you could be wrong.
Body language exercise
One of the things that can be done to practice flirting is just to arch your eyebrows once with a person whether you are interested in them or not. The nonverbal communication exercise can be done just about anywhere but if you are married or have a significant other this action may not be the best idea for you.
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading or interpreting body language.
Now go implement!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Photo credits: Young Woman by David Castillo Dominici, Beautiful Asian Woman by nuchylee
Reading Body language: Understanding and interpreting or reading the body language of men can be used to determine if he is interested in you as in flirting, help you know if you are being seduced or it can even help you in negotiating in a business setting.
Nonverbally the body says more than you would think and many times these automatic gestures or actions will allow you to read his body language quickly and effectively.
The first 6 step of 9 in reading his body language are:
Proximity or distance from the person or the people involved
What position is his boy in compared to others
Where his hands and what are they doing?
Look at the direction of his feet and what they are possibly pointing at
Decide what his shoulders are doing to tilt his body
Loot at his posture and whether he is standing or sitting
The last three items while reading his body language to gain an upper hand are not always as easy as the first six. Now nobody said that reading body language was “easy” and didn’t have any drawbacks. In most instances the combination of all of these items do help you gain a possible understanding of what is going on but there may or may not be some rules set in stone.
Take for instance the proximity or distance in a crowded situation people will have to be closer like at a busy bar setting the distance of his bell bubble closer than normal and this may also determine how far his hands can move away from his body. This is where it becomes increasingly important to watch the situation and figure out what is going on.
Another place where you can have some issues while reading and deciphering the body language of men is when you look at his posture: What if he has a medical condition and you make a snap judgment if he is showing confidence but because of an injury or something similar you read him and determine his body language is saying something else.
There is one rule that covers all the others and that is take you time to determine what his body language his saying by base lining or watching him for a few seconds or meanings to see his routines and normal actions.
So yes the rules do get a little complicated but by following these few steps you can determine what a man’s body language actions mean and keep you from being wrong in making snap judgments.
You may also have some unconscious reactions to these nonverbal cues and not really understand why unless you have previously looked into reading body language. You may have intuitively understood what things like his feet facing the door have meant but know you can tell for sure. Remember for you it matter how you react to situations while interpreting his non verbal actions mean. The ability to rad a mans body to understand his language is a skill.
The last three steps in reading, interpreting and understanding a man’s body language are and can be a little more challenging.
Step 7, 8 and 9 – Reading men’s body language – look at his facial expressions, head and chin.
Now there is good reason that the last three things to look at while reading a man’s body language are all lumped together and that is because they interact with each other and rely on each other.
A mans facial expressions will help you determine the context of a situation. Are his eyebrows up or down, does his face show signs of stress or in other words is his jaw tight? Does he show signs of contempt? All of these items play into what reaction his body will show and can help you determine what he is saying nonverbally.
In most instances the center of the eyebrows going up can show signs of surprise, excitement. The eyebrows staying even can sometimes mean happiness while the center of the eyebrows moving down could be seen as anger or sorrow. Now this section of learning about what the eyebrows mean could fill pages alone and the explanation of micro-expressions would take more time and detail. Know that these are just quick generic rules and this information will be covered more later.
The eyebrows will set the stage for what the eyes will do and depending on what the eyebrows and face are doing the structure of the facial expression will help determine what the eyes will say about the situation.
Step 8 – Reading men’s body language – look at his head and the direction it is going.
The tilting of the head can show interest, reaction or even boredom. When the head reacts so will the rest of his body and the language that it communicates. If his shoulders are tilted his head will react also or his body’s position will look awkward. If he is interested he may lean his head in towards you while flirting but this may also happen if he is angry. This is where it comes in handy to understand what the actions of his eyebrows mean.
In some instances the tilting of the head away from a person can show attraction but chin would somewhat point at the person who the interest is found in.
Step 9 – Reading men’s body language – look at his chin
Lumping facial expressions head and chin all together was done because they all interact at the same time but they are all categories of their own in a sense.
The chin down could mean a sign of sorrow or boredom and if a man is into you his chin may only go down to his chest for a second while he arched his eyebrows looking at you. Now this does depend upon the situation as does reading and interpreting most body language actions.
The chin up could determine how much self-confidence the man has but that would also be encompassed with the other 8 steps. If the chin is too far up at may be a sign of arrogance or a stiff neck so you may want to save this body reading action for last.
Men do not normally communicate with their chin down to their chest and on the other end of the spectrum men normally do not communicate with their chin up as high as possible so determining where the correct or normal location can help you understand or interpret what state of mind he has or possibly even an emotion that he is feeling.
Reading body language note of caution
It is always important to note that these are all general guidelines and do not always 100% determine what is going on. Depending on where you are in the world and the social situations they could be wrong. It is a good idea to watch and see what reactions the people have who are interacting with others before judgments are made. It is also important for you to look at the context of a situation before you make judgments about what is going on. Reading body language is not always an exact mathematical formula meaning A+B = C it can be far more complicated than that.
Body language exercises
The eyebrows say more than you would think, for just a second arch your eyebrows as if you were angry, so that would mean that just above your nose your eyebrows would drop down and your eyes may squint. How does that feel for just those few seconds?
Now open your eyes and arch your eyebrows as if you were surprised. Now in just those few quick instances how did either one of those exercises make you feel? When you are done reading this information try it in a mirror and see what your reactions are. Last try looking at a partner and do the same items to see what your reactions would be.
*As a side note this exercise may not help you if you decide to test this out on a person unless you let them know first what you are doing or you may just get a chance to interpret what their body language along with some verbal communication is saying*
It is important for you to see what your body does and the possibilities of your reactions so that you know and understand what your own body language is saying so that you can identify what other peoples body language is portraying. Next let’s take a look at head tilts:
Now look and think about something in the room that you can see and would be interested in get interested in it and become curious about it. Did you tilt your head towards that thing you are interested in or thinking about or did you tilt your head away from the item or did you even tilt your head at all? Where did your chin go towards the item or away, to your chest or did you raise it?
Now do the same exercise as if you were angry with the item. Are you tilting towards it or away from it? Where does your chin go when you are not happy vs where does it go when you are happy?
What did you learn about yourself and how you communicate?
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading body language.
Now go implement!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Photo credit: Businessman Sat Talking On Mobile Phone by Ambro, Loving Couple Look Each Other by photostock
Reading Body language: When looking or reading the body language of men there is a simple 9 step process that helps you understand what nonverbal communication is happening
The first 3 steps in reading his body language for business, datting or seduction or even safety are:
1.Proximity or distance from the person or the people involved
2.What position is his boy in compared to others?
3.Where his hands and what are they doing?
The next three steps in reading his body language consist of determining a few more things that will help you decipher the situation and what is going on between him and others.
Step 4 – Reading men’s body language – look at his feet
When looking at a man to determine what his communication is you will look at his feet. Now the feet will either consciously or subconsciously point to what he is thinking about or what he may be interested in you.
Is he thinking about the woman over in the corner? He may start by pivoting his body and then will eventually get the courage to go over and flirt with her, he may already be engaged in flirting with the woman and he is waiting for the perfect time to go over and chat her up.
In a business setting the body language of his feet may be saying that he needs to leave, the new potential client is long winded and he has a meeting to get to. His feet or even maybe one foot will point at the door and a way saying “I want to go that way and get out of here.
So there is the potential when reading his body language of a man that it may be he is either interested in something going where his feet point at that person or object on or uninterested and then will point his foot or feet at that object or person.
In the instance of non verbal communication the feet may determine the direction of conversations and actions literally.
Step 5 – Reading men’s body language – look at his shoulders
The next step while reading the body language of a man for dating or business is to look at his shoulders in context of his feet. If he is standing the second he points his feet any other direction than forward his shoulder will dip towards the direction that his foot is going.
There is a very simple body language exercise of standing and directing both feet directly at the wall in front of you and then slightly start to twist the right foot and start to move it towards the wall to your right. If you do this in a mirror you will see you shoulder drop.
This same exact nonverbal cue will happen for men or for women so it is important to note that your shoulders will be a gibe away for whatever your feet are doing.
The shoulders will also determine the amount of self-confidence that he may have. If his shoulders are drooped there is a possibility that he lacks confidence especially if his chin is down. Now be careful here because it may be that he is tired and or that the chair he is sitting in is not comfortable this is where the signs and signals of a man’s body language may be misinterpreted. This non verbal communication of the shoulders must be looked at in context of everything else that is going on and not just by itself.
If the shoulders are up and the chin is up there is a good possibility that everything is ok with what is going on around him. There is one clue as to if there is danger or stress and as his shoulders will be rolled back and more than likely his fists will be balled up if there is confrontation going on between him and others. This puffing up is a natural reaction of a fight or an altercation.
Learning how to read the body language of men does take some time to learn and there is more elements to look at nonverbally than just one specific body part.
Step 6 – Reading men’s body language – Look at his posture
In reading the body language of men the posture is next on the list now this item is similar to where the shoulders are but now you would take into account his stance and whether he is standing or sitting.
The posture will play a part in his confidence but also if he is attentive to what is going on.
If the man is sitting and he is slumped forward do you think that he is interested in what is going on around him? Is it possible for him to see everything that is going on? If he is out looking for a woman or a partner can he see the cues or the flirting action of others.
If he is at work can he pay attention to what is being presented to him if he is in a meeting?
Does he seem confident as to what is being said or being presented?
In most instance his posture will determine his body language and most of the nonverbal emotional cues that go along with it.
If he is flirting with a woman or a man his posture should show that he is interested by it being attentive. This does go back to primal days when people had to “peacock” or make themselves more attractive. “Peacocking” is a term used by pick up artists or seduction artists. If he were to slump down this effect would not be possible. When animals are in the mating mode they take up as much space as they can to be visible so their posture goes straight up and whatever parts of the body can go out to attract attention follow. Now this “peacocking” animal style would be a bad idea for a man who was trying to attract a mate to put his arms as far ways from his body as possible or to try and take up as much room as possible as it would go against social norms and he would lose social value. If he were trying to seduce a mate he would “peacock” on a smaller scale.
Body language or nonverbal communication exercise
As a body language exercise stand up straight with your shoulders out and with your chin up breath in deep and exhale deep (but not too much where you pass out) and try and feel sorry for yourself or even try to not feel confident. Now do what you would to feel confident.
Now do the opposite stand up and roll your shoulders in chin down and breath slow and shallow and try and feel confident or excited.
What did you find?
If you did the exercise you would find it is hard for you to be in a good state of mind when your body language goes against what you are thinking.
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about the body language of men or women.
Now go implement!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Photo credits: Business Man by Andy Newson, Man With Sunglasses by photostock
Reading body language: When reading the body language of men there are a few things that you must do in order to interpret their activities. Communication skills for men or women go far beyond just having a verbal conversation, what is the body saying while the words are being used?
If you are a woman looking for a date or even someone in business who is trying to get an upper hand you may find it easy to understate the value of understanding the body signals and interactions of men.
Reading body language or nonverbal communication can be as difficult as you want to make it but for the most part reading the body language of men may be less complex than reading the body language of women.
With reading the body language of men or women the first thing to do is to look at the situation first to baseline what is going on. Using this simple 9 step process you can determine what his body language signals are saying nonverbally.
Step 1 – Reading men’s body language – What is the proximity?
Understanding body language begins with looking at the context of the situation; are the people close or are the far apart. By close are they within the bell bubble or 18 inches (45cm) from each other or is the distance greater?
The distance between the man and the other or others will determine how close the person or the people are as friends or if they are strangers. Usually people who are intimate as friends in that they have known each other for a while can enter into the 18 inch barrier (45 cm) and show no signs of discomfort or lack of trust.
Now this 18 inch (45 cm) barrier is a general guideline and not an absolute there are some men or women who have a 36 inch (91cm) proximity comfort zone while some men or women may not mind another person being near them even close enough for touch.
The proximity of people and men will determine what communication is taking place and how intense or how intimate the interactions are.
When women flirt with men sometimes they will touch or enter closer into the man with proximity. Now with flirting it does not always mean that the woman will get closer to the man in proximity but it can happen.
Step 2 – Reading men’s body language – What position is the body in?
Once you have determined how far away the person or the people are away from each other you can now look at the position of the body.
Knowing the position of the body will clue you in to understand what the context of the situation is.
·Is the man standing
·Is the man sitting
·Is the man leaning
·Is the other person or people in relation to the man doing similar activities or are they in other positions?
The context will tell you what type of interaction that the person or group should have. This information will set the stage for base lining the signs and the signals that the man should have with his body language.
Typically if he is sitting the other people should be sitting also, if he is standing the other people or person should be standing also. Now this is a general rule and not always an absolute as in many instances with body language.
If the man is flirting with a woman he may draw in closer to her and position himself so that he has a communication advantage with her.
Step 3 – Reading men’s body language – Look at his hands
Looking at a man’s hands when he is interacting with others may define the situation as it is happening. The hands will determine the situation and some of the context along with defining some of the proximity.
Depending upon the situation and the amount of people the hands will show if:
·There is common ground between the two people ar the group
·Aggression between the people or the person in question
·How close intimate the group is and sometimes it may judge how long they have known each other
When people are under stress or duress their hands will normally close as a way that begins the protection process. When people are about the fight they ball up their fists and will leave them at their sides in order to make a strike. Almost every time when people have their fists balled up it is to help “protect” the body subconsciously.
If the hands are flat open it is normally a sign that things are ok and not aggressive. Nonverbally the hands say and determine much of the body language.
Is the man holding something? If he is holding a drink is it in front of him where it is a barrier? If the man does hold the drink in front of him it may show a lack of confidence or a non verbal barrier to keep others away.
If the man is holding a drink to his side it may just mean that he is comfortable. It may not always be a drink that the man is holding it may be a book, it may be a briefcase it could even be a jacket. Know that just because there is something in front of the man it does not mean that he lacks confidence.
The hands of a man sometimes will be open or more animated when fliting and may even do so when the man is excited in general.
First determine proximity then the position and then the hands and you can understand why his body language is acting the way it is even without verbal communication.
Next up will be the next 3 steps in reading men’s body language.
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading body language.
Now go implement!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Photo credits: Handsome Young Man Looking Up by photostock, Young Man by photostock
Reading body language: Car salespeople almost invoke the same amount of fear into people as IRS agents. Being able to read the body language or non-verbal communication of car salesmen may just take away some of the fear before you walk on the lot.
Before you read the body language of a car salesman it is important to know what your body language is doing or what your communication is doing nonverbally. If you are uncertain of anything your nonverbal communication will show this.
Now there are times to be scared but dealing with salespeople is just like dealing with anyone else. Time will be what is on your side or what is against you. Your body language will show hungry or tired so the best game plan of going into a dealership means that you have enough sleep. When you get hungry your defenses go down and you will make decisions that you may not have wanted to previously. You will have issues of buying if you are tired.
For you have the best chances of getting what you want it is a good idea to eat before you go to a car lot and to also bring some food and drinks with you. Now besides getting your loan from a bank or credit union before you show up on the car lot food, drinks and a calculator are the best things to have in your arsenal.
On your end while buying a car your body language can give up your position or your beliefs. The best thing for you to remember on your side is to not give up too much reaction or too much emotion. Be careful to not show:
·Excitement at some stages
Now as you enter a car lot there are things that you should know. On any lot there are behind the scene games going on and you enter the game without even knowing. As you drive up there is a “fight” between salesmen as to who is going to get to talk to you. In some instances it is up to who is selling or who is not.
As you get out of your car you may be given up on by the salesman who wanted you as a “client” previously because the way that you look or the clothes that you are wearing.
You will be approached by a rogue salesperson who may ask if they can help you. For some dealerships this may not be able to happen until you put your hands in your pockets or look tawards the front of the building. If hand in the pockets are needed of or the look to the building is required the people who are the spotters will signal the salespeople to meet with you.
Your first salesperson is there to read your body language and get some information from you to see if you are a good potential client for the sales team. If you are a difficult buyer and the salesmen is experienced he will signal the people in the tower who are watching to send over a new salesperson in a few minutes.
This signal that he uses will seem like normal body language, he may straighten his, run his hands through his hair, adjust his jacket or even actually signal with his hands in a way that you just think that he is using nonverbal communication.
The salesman is reading everything about you, he has more than likely done this before and you are not the first person that he has “sold” something to. He or she will be able to tell more about you than you think just from a few minutes, yes you are being judged and it may not be fair to you but that is how it works.
Once you decide you want to take the car for a test drive you enter into a sales funnel and everything has been engineered for you to buy something.
·The test drive is meant for you to take ownership and get used to being behind the wheel.
·Part of the test drive should be on the freeway to get the feel of what it is like to go to work
·Driving on the side streets is to get the feel of what it is like to drive to the store
·If you are married or in a relationship it is now time to switch seats and get the other person to drive.
You look at the other person and give the “nod” or “wink” and the salesperson reads your body language and know that it is time to go deeper into the funnel.
You go back to the dealership and go from a large lot to a big office and then into a smaller cubicle. There are signs everywhere that are meant to prime you with numbers to get you used to seeing dollar amounts as high or higher than monthly payments or even as much as the car. The signs around the area will have people smiling or families together once again more primes.
You then sit at a round table and you are sat together so that the salesman can watch the both of you being separated is a difficult thing to deal with because the salesman cannot see you make signals or winks. Know that in some places there may be cameras to look for your nonverbal communication and to look for your readiness to move forward.
Being brought to a smaller area is done on purpose to make you feel tighter, closer but also to control you more.
The car salesman may give off more covert signals to his helpers once again along the lines of a hand sign, moving a tie, tying a shoe or just about a million other nonverbal communications to signal where the sales call is going.
Know that the more that you are consumed with information the more difficult it may be to keep up so that small items are slipped in. Using a 4 square sales process is a way that the information difficult to keep up with.
The salesman is looking at your body language bit also listening to phrases you say like: “When we get this car home” or even “I can’t wait to take this car to….” Your words are signs that you desire ownership.
At this point whatever “deal” you came up with will fall through and the salesperson may get disappointed and show signs of stress with his body language. The salesman may rub his head, his chin or the back of his neck. He may say things like: I cant believe this has happened” or “let me go talk to my manager”. This is all done on purpose to give you and the other person with you time to talk and get your game plan together. No in some places the sales floor may have a microphone on it and what you are saying may be head, in some places you may be on video and your nonverbal communication is being watched.
The salesguy or girl will come back with a counter offer and get excited for what he or she came up with. The deal that he or she has will be slightly more than what you wanted but you will be asked to see if you can make the payment or take a car with fewer options for the same amount as the car that you were shown.
Once again your body language will be watched for your buying signs and or signals. The phone may ring with a last minute offer and the call is scripted and in some instances there may be tones in the phone that tell the salesman what type of credit you have. His body language has been scripted and he or she has been coached as to what to do exactly, it is no mistake.
From here you either make the deal or you do not. Know that you becoming tired and putting time into the situation are done on purpose because once people have invested significant time into something they typically will not walk away. Know that if you are slightly tired or hungry it is easier to get to yes and a sale.
A little of this information will go past body language but it is good to know what you will do and pay before you go to the car lot. Having your budget set and knowledge of your credit helps you more than you would know. Having financing before you go to the car lot will give you an upper hand with negotiating but remember reading body language for you and the salesperson has a great deal to do with reactions.
Know that there are many great salespeople who will do the right thing for you in most situations and just like everything else there will be those few who ruin it for the “good guys”. As a side note not all car lots are bad or use deceptive behavior but it is good to know what to look for when there are the ones who bend the rules of ethics.
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about body language.
Reading body language: How do I avoid making people uncomfortable while communicating effectively? This is a common question that is asked of those who know how to explain body language or nonverbal communication.
The answer isn’t always that simple.
Sometimes people just don’t get it or they just don’t care. When communicating with others there are nonverbal things that can be done to make the people who are being spoken to entirely uncomfortable and when these offenses are done it could be a complete accident or the pther person is oblivious as to what they do.
Have you ever walked away from a person and have not understood why you were uncomfortable with what they said to you, or it could have been you were just creeped out and walked away with the chills?
Chances were that the body language or the non verbal communication skills of the offender were not that good or they were just someone who lacked social skills so that their style of communication was unusual and or very uncomfortable.
Do you make these common body language mistakes?
Here are some of the ways that you can unconsciously offend those around you and cause your message to not be delivered. Now it doesn’t matter if you are in sales, looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend or just talking to a friend you can make these mistakes.
Body language of the eyes: Now for many people visual contact will make or break the way that your message is or not delivered. It usually isn’t the lack of eye contact that causes a problem it is the location at which the people look. Here is the most common issues that people find themselves in besides lack of eye contact:
·Staring at the lips, not this is usually a sign of sexual advance and not the best way to nonverbally communicate while talking to a man or a woman unless it is a sexual advance that you want.
·Staring at body parts, now for men it is difficult to look at some women without looking at specific places especially when the clothing allows a distraction.
·Shifty eyes, there are some people who just look at everything and it seems as if there may be a possible drug problem.
·When having a conversation with a person the best area to look at is across the eyebrows to the bottom of the nose. If you would like to make a person uncomfortable you can stare at their chin or forehead and this can be used as a ploy for some negotiators.
The rules of nonverbal communication include proximity
When it comes to making people uncomfortable with body language next on the list would be proximity or how close people are to you. There are a few offenses that people can make when it comes to not understanding proximity that should be used in a given situation. Here are the most common mistakes that people make when identifying the distance that can be comfortable while communicating.
·Standing too close to the person who you are talking to. This is uncomfortable and causes the person to not listen to the message but question in their head “why is this person standing so close” the whole time you are talking to the
·The opposite of standing too close would to have a conversation form an uncomfortable distance. When communicating either verbally or nonverbally there is an acceptable distance to stand away from the person who is communicating with you. If you are too far away it just seems strange and doesn’t feel like the message can be delivered. The communication is strained and then has a tough time being effective.
Does body language include touching another person, or is that seduction?
Last on the list of uncomfortable body language or nonverbal communication skills is touch. If you are a man there is a double standard for sure when it comes to touching another person. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to touch a man or a woman but when the situation is the other way around it is not always acceptable for a man to touch a woman. This is a social norm you can’t really change.
Some people will move too quickly with touch if they are attracted to the other person, it may seem like it is a hypnotic response where touch seems required in their mind but it is too much too soon.
·Touching someone too soon into a conversation or even a relationship is not a good idea. Kinesthetic people or those who are more touchy feely have a tough time with this boundary and then do not understand why there is such a bad reaction to their style of communicating. If you touch a person before you have acceptable rapport can cause mistrust or even cause a confrontation. This can be confused by them because they as a kinesthetic person do not have a problem standing or sitting in close proximity to another person.
·Touching someone in an inappropriate place is a huge offense. Now you may not think that some places would be off limits so the best place to touch a woman is usually on the upper arm from between the elbow to the shoulder. If you do not know the person very well the upper arm is the only location to touch besides the top of the hand when appropriate. Now this rule may be entirely different if you are trying to attract or even seduce another person.
Your ability to deliver an effective message is up to you. Your body language and non verbal communication skills are going to determine what people think when they are done with a conversation with you. What communication is may not always be defined by you.
To learn more about the different styles of learning or modalities NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming would be a good start to build better rapport or even to learn how to communicate more effectively. This would include kinesthetic, visual and even auditory modalities of learning.
As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comment and or questions about body language.