Reading body language of eye contact

Reading body language:  There are many advantages to studying body language and how others read it. You get to learn where to stand when talking to people, whether to fold your arms or not, what to do during interviews and even what type of eye contact that you should have when interacting with others.

 

Eye contact is a form of nonverbal communication and it really defines what communication is. The is a difficulty for some because there are many subtleties between men and women and then throw in cultural differences to the mix and reading body language of eye contact and you have some confusion.

 

Reading body language of eye contact from women
Reading body language of eye contact and women

 

Men and women prefer different types of contact for different periods of time. If you have too much eye contact it is beyond uncomfortable and on the other side of the coin not enough eye contact and people think that you cannot be trusted. Reading the body language of men and women is entirely different in business and in dating.

 

Eye contact and business

So you have a new potential client you have been working on for months …

 

You gather all of the information you need to research the habits and buying trends..

 

You get all the way to get to give a presentation but it seems weird and it seems that the body language changes of your potential client because you didn’t keep enough eye contact or you didn’t give them enough and it hurts because it costs you…

 

And you don’t know why or how…

 

This scenario could play out exactly the same if you were to go on a date and screw it up with too much or not enough nonverbal contact.

 

Eye contact can define body language

Eye contact can make or break a conversation. Give the right amount and you have interest or buy in for the conversation or the interaction. There is a huge difference between eye contact and what you are looking at. Eye contact is how much you look at the eyes what you are looking at may be the person across the room.

 

For most people anything more than 70% of interval eye contact is way too much. 70% doesn’t mean look at the person in the eyes for 70% of the time without a break and then 30% look away all at one time. There are some people who do like this much eye contact, it could be a mother and sometimes female superiors. There are some nationalities where 70% eye contact is not enough. There are some nationalities where 40% is too much.

 

70% eye contact for some becomes very uncomfortable depending upon previous experiences in life. You will see people physically become uncomfortable with too much eye contact. They may pull away from you if they are sitting down, they may shift their body as to block you from looking at them or they may stop talking in the same pace or stop talking at all together. Yes the talking part would be verbal but there are ways to look at physical changes along with vocal changes at the same time.  

 

If it seems that the man or woman has a shift in their body language and shows a reaction because they are uncomfortable it means you should reduce your eye contact.

 

Reading body langauge of eye contact and men
Reading body language and eye contact of men

 

Different nationalities will have different amounts of eye contact and this can be confusing. If you don’t know for sure start at about 50% and if it seems that there is no reaction to your eye interaction you can increase your eye contact from there.

 

Body language signs and signals that you may not have enough eye contact:

  • ·         The man or woman keep staring at you
  • ·         They may draw closer in to get your attention
  • ·         They may start to ignore you or leave the conversation
  • ·         They may seem annoyed
  • ·         In the verbal sense they may even ask if something is wrong

 

Body language signs and signals you may have too much eye contact

  • ·         They may back away from you
  • ·         They may cross their arms or legs
  • ·         They may get fidgety
  • ·         There could be a time where they take a long time to get back to eye contact with you
  • ·         Their eye contact may shift to somewhere beyond you or they may even engaged another object or person
  • ·         Verbally the person may try to change the subject or the pace of their conversation will change

 

Reading the body language of the triangle of eye contact

Determining where to look to keep good eye contact means that you would understand that from just across the top of the eyebrows to the tip of the nose make up the “triangle of eye contact”. Looking anywhere else for long periods of time can become uncomfortable for the other person. If you have looked to long the person may change their facial expression.

 

As a reminder staring too long at the lips of another person can be considered as a sexual gesture.

 

Keeping eye contact is a gesture that is reactive when it comes to understanding and interpreting the body language of others. A correct reaction from you will build comfort for the other person in most instances. An inappropriate amount of eye contact from you will cause discomfort and a negative reaction in the sense of body language

 

Knowing the right amount of eye contact between people can help you in everything from business life to relationships.  

 

Reading body language exercise

The next time that you have a conversation with someone that know decide if you are going to give too much eye contact or not enough and note what type of reaction their body language has. The reason that you have to do this with someone that you know is because it may cause an altercation with a stranger. You can even do this exercise just sitting across from someone even if they know what is going on and you will get a similar reaction. Just note what types of reactions that the other person has for future use.

 

Learning how to understand and read body language like an expert can be done here

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about eye contact.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Blue Eye by Danilo Rizzuti, Friendly Smile by Timeless Photography:Photo credit for reading body language of eye contact like an expert.

Reading body language of flirting men and women part 3

Reading body language: While reading and interpreting the body language of flirting by men or women the head, eyes, mouth and eyebrows have been discussed.

 

Determining what communication is while flirting for some can be a challenge when they try to read men or women’s body language.

 

The hands and the body are the two physical things that can be touched or used to flirt with men or women.

 

Reading body language and how women flirt
Reading body language signs and signals of flirting

 

There are times where touching the other person in order to flirt happen for both sexes. There are challenges with the body language of flirting because it is easy to go too far quickly and cross the line of appropriate actions.

 

While flirting with the hands touching the other person’s body can be done in a few places that right off would be along the realms of appropriate. The first safe place is the upper arm the second place would be the forearm and lastly the hand may be the last place that would be considered appropriate.  

 

Now there are some people who are just more “touchy” than other and may just come across as a big flirt and that is why you would have to look at the body language of the man or the woman who you consider flirting with you. Some of what you would have to consider would be their verbal actions but for the most part most flirting would come across as non verbal.

 

To determine if someone is flirting with you by touch you would have to consider the other signs of flirting.

 

Is the man or woman using the other nonverbal communication skills: A head tilt, the arching of eyebrows a wink, fluttering their eyes, licking their lips or even staring at the mouth? Those are all ways that flirting can happen.

 

The last part of flirting and body language would be contact with the body. There are times where men or women could be completely overt in their actions while flirting. For men or women a body brush can happen or occur. This is where someone brushes up against you and there was not a need. Now if you are in a crowded place it does not mean that someone is interested if they brush against you but if some of the other signs of flirting with body language are used you may have a man or a woman who is interested in you.

 

The body language of flirting can also use proximity or the distance that one person is from the person who they may be flirting with. In most instances the interested person will draw closer to the person that they are flirting with.

Now whether the person is close in proximity or a little further away “preening” may be used as a way to gain attention. The preening that could be used may include:

  • ·         Playing with hair
  • ·         Fixing clothing are fixing an accessory
  • ·         Rubbing a body part as a way to accentuate that specific area and in some instances this may be an explicit action.

 

Reading body language and signs of flirting
Reading body language and the signs of flirting by touch

 

Some of these actions while reading the body language of flirting can be seen directly while some of these actions may be a little more covert. The beast plan of action is to understand what each action means before having to interpret them incorrectly.  

 

Taking your time to learn how to read body language or non verbal communication of flirting and seduction can help you understand more about human relations.  

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions about reading body language or nonverbal communication.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits:  Business Women by photostock, Asian Model Woman-Thai Ethnicity Beauty by posterize

Reading body language: Understanding what your feet are saying

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Reading body language: When understanding or interpreting body language one of the first things you can look at to determine how much people are into the conversation or person in front of them is to look at the feet.

 

Non-verbally the feet can determine how a conversation is going.

 

Now you would not imagine how much the feet can tell about a group of people or understand what is going on in a single glance. This nonverbal tip can also tell you or not if there is a possibility if another person is into you in a dating situation or even meeting new people.

 

When two people are talking when standing up facing each other normally their feet are directed towards each other. Almost as if their toes would touch if the two people were standing close enough. This can mean a few things:

 

  • ·         If the people are standing close it can be that there is an aggressive element or a possible fight especially if both people are animated and the fists are closed or people are pointing at each other.
  • ·         There is a possible previous relationship and the people are comfortable enough to be in close distance or within the Bell Bubble.
  • ·         If there is a conversation going on there is the possibility that those engaged are interested or engaged in the conversation.
  • ·         If in a romantic situation there is the possibility that the people being examined are into each other or have been in the past.

 

*As a side note the word possibility is used because all of this information cannot just be determined by the direction of the feet it is just a piece of the puzzle. Remember that while reading the body language of others you can be wrong and snap judgments can get you into some trouble.

 

Now if this information were to be used in a group setting for business you could determine who is interested in the conversation between a few people. The people who have a possible interest in the conversation will keep their feet towards the person who has whatever message should be listened to.

 

Now there is a term in the seduction world referred to as body rocking. This nonverbal trick is simple to perform.

 

Stand up straight and point both of your feet directly in front of you. Now take you right foot and turn it to the right as if that is the direction you wanted to go but your left foot is glued to the ground. Now when done even slightly your shoulders will tilt to the right and nonverbally you would be saying “I need to go over there” getting you away from the conversation or “I need to go somewhere else”. In the seduction world this would give you an “out” or a non verbal cue that you have other opportunities while talking to a targeted person. Now this could be used as body language of men or women because either way the body will react in the same way.

 

If you are in a dating element giving up your attention too quickly gives up your opportunity to meet other singles. In this setting when meeting another group you would not want to start directing both of your feet towards the others until they slowly start to move inwards towards you. This turning inwards tip works person to person also. You will feel a point where you need to turn in towards a single individual when the time is right.

 

The next time that you are stuck talking to that long winded “interesting” person you can use some nonverbal communication to help you project that there is somewhere else you need to be. This nonverbal tip works well when your renegade foot is pointed at something else like a group of people or even a door. Now if you do this so that your body has to turn too much your stance will look strange and this message will no longer be covert in meaning it will be rude.

 

This body rocking tip may take some time to get used to but if you practice it just a few times in the mirror you will be well ahead of those who do not know what it can do for you whether in business, seduction or even dating.

 

Here is your covert body language tip

 

Now stand up straight in front of a mirror and try this simple body language tactic.

Stand in front of the mirror as with both your feet pointed directly at it.

If your feet were the hands on a clock and your left foot was at the 12 O’clock position your right foot or minute hand would only need to be at the 2 or maybe the 3 O’clock position at that most. Notice how your shoulders will pivot just by moving your foot alone.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

Reading body language: Sunglasses can be nonverbal problems

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Reading body language: Communicating with others correctly takes practice, patience and discipline but after all of the body language or non verbal training you will be far better off than most people out there.

 

There are those times where after you know you did something wrong you wish you were able to kick yourself…

 

There are also those times where you wish a friend would have told you there was:

  •           Food in your teeth
  •          Your zipper was down
  •          And any other embarrassing mistake you could make and feel silly

 

If you were to have to communicate effectively and not screw it up what would you put on the list of things to do wrong?

  1.       Point at others
  2.       Talk outside of the Bell Bubble
  3.       Wear sunglasses while talking to others in general especially while doing business transactions or while meeting someone new.

 

If you wear sunglasses and are talking to someone they cannot see your eyes or the complete style of your facial expressions. Now for some reason when people can’t see your eyes they start thinking about everything you say and do in critical terms. They may interpret your communication as lies even if they do not understand body language formally.

 

Many people may get a shot back to their past when maybe an adult or parent said “Look at me while I talk to you” or “if you can’t look me in the eye I can’t trust you”. There is a huge amount of trust associated with looking someone in the eye. There is plenty of deceit built up when wearing sunglasses while holding a conversation with another person.

 

There are plenty of things that can be done wrong with glasses including wearing them on your forehead while trying to sell something. This just looks ridiculous and in no way should this be done unless it is Halloween and you are mocking a not too smart salesperson.

 

Now some people do have issues with the sunlight and really have a reason to want to wear sunglasses in a case like that it may be better to see if you can use some persuasive skills to get your meeting moved to somewhere that you can see better. In a case like this you would want to use prescription glasses that auto tint or move indoors.

 

There are also times where you are meeting with friends or people that you already know where this advice would not apply. This issue does not really develop unless you are talking about something serious. Now if you are all out in the sun or at the beach then disregard not wearing sunglasses.

 

Persuading people whether in a sales process or asking a girl out means that you must do your absolute best to not make any mistakes in any of the communication process and that means people should see your eyes. Make your nonverbal communication count every time.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Video courtesy of Scott and the North Shore of Oahu – Mahalo

Reading body language: Judged by your hair?

Reading body language: There are so many factors in determining what communication is and how people react to your message or messages through verbal and non verbal  communication.

 

You are judged in seconds by others when they meet you and size you up at the same time.

 

Body language can include your hair style
Nonverbal communication can be determined by your hairstyle

 

You are judged by your clothes, your accessories, your words, your body movement and even your grooming habits or lack of them.

 

You have little chance for error and since we live in highly visual and highly judgmental society.

 

It is hard to determine what is looked at first when people meet you, it could be your:

  • ·         Teeth
  • ·         Clothes
  • ·         Shoes
  • ·         Hands

 

What if the first thing that people looked at and judged you on beyond your words was your hair?

 

There are so many things that can go good with your hair and also there are a few things that are not so good.

 

You can be part of the small segment of society that has been naturally blessed with great genetics or you can be like the rest of everyone else.

 

There really are three way s that hair can go:

1.      Trendy and stylish – This would say that you are worried about what people think or that you are swayed by the way that society feels you should fit into a group. Either way as long as the hair style is done correctly. This trendy style of hair has a low threat of causing you to be judged in negative non verbal terms.

2.      Extreme or negative – When this style is used there would be high significance that you would be judged nonverbally and no matter how well your self control of your body language you would have a tough time delivering a positive message. An example would be a hair cut style of a Mohawk in the business setting in a nice suit. This example could also be colored hair or a style that doesn’t match the person who has the style.

In this sense a person who has a bald spot or a comb over and is not secure in who or what they are in the eyes of the person or people who are judging the content of the interaction.

3.      Neutral – in this category would be someone who has not fallen into the extremes of being judged by a hair style nor someone who would be in the trendy or fashionable hair style. There would not be much risk or losing social value as long as the person who is being judged is not among others who are in the trendy group or people who are knowledgeable in style.

 

4.      Accessories – You can have all of the right style and it could be the exact perfect cut for your industry or your message but you can do one thing wrong and that would to be choosing the wrong accessory or accessories to put in your hair. If you
choose something that pulls attention from your message you are not communicating effectively and you lose value. Whatever you decide to use it should be subtle and also conform to whatever you event you are invlved with or whatever industry you are in.

 

 

It may not make sense that your ability to persuasively persuade others can come down to your hair style or lack of hair style.

 

Learn how to interpret body langauge
Understandling how to read non verbal communication

 

Remember you are being judged not only by your message but by your nonverbal actions and attire. By drawing too much attention to any part of what you do that is not needed you can make your message ineffective and inefficient.

 

As people judge you or interpret your body language your job is to make this task difficult for them by not giving a person or a group a reason to have a negative opinion of you.

 

As always I would like to thank you for your comments and or questions.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo Credits:Sweater Girl by Roland Darby, Natural Beauty Woman by Michal Marcol

Reading body langauge: The perfect high five demonstration

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Reading body language: There are plenty of fun things to learn when studying non verbal communication or how to read body language. Understanding how people communicate and influence each other is a key component to the quality of life.

 

When it comes to supporting friends and going out to have fun there is nothing more important than being able to land a perfect high five at the right time to underscore a celebration for any occasion.

 

Now how could giving not being able to give a proper high five be part of non verbal communication?

 

Remember how people judge and view you is the real way that you are communicating whether you are talking or not. What communication is becomes more important the more risk that there is involved.

 

Take for example this sales scenario that could either help you make the sale or lose it to a competitor:

 

Say you are out on the town and you are a sales rep and you are working on a perfect deal that will help you with a new account. Your new potential client takes you out to a football game or similar sporting event and the team you are there for scores and the crowd goes wild… Your new potential client goes to give you a high five and you miss horribly.

 

There is no going back, you have left a bad impression. If you can’t give a high five properly what else can you not do? Where else would you screw up? How much internal fear would be developed on the part of the potential client? What if there were other team members there that you needed to impress and they interpreted body language from you after missing that wasn’t there?

 

Oh how this awkward situation could be reversed, is there a sure fire way that you would never miss an opportunity to not just deliver a high five but do it correctly every single time the situation calls for this awesome celebration?

 

Yes there is and it is an easy one step process that can almost never go wrong.

 

Lets face it how long have you been celebrating with friends after a scoring run, and you can’t do a simple high five?

 

Now this simple tip will help you in more ways than you could imagine.

 

Sometimes you need the ability to demonstrate something at the front of the room or there is the perfect opportunity to show your bosses kids or family members to deliver the perfect high five. This teaching opportunity usually stops people cold because nobody has ever shown or told them the secret of the proper high five. This could even work on a date if you were taking that special someone to a sporting event and you wanted to get in some early kinesthetic touch to help make that new person comfortable with you.

 

Knowing the secret to the perfect high five may not save your life in a critical situation but it may very well help your persuasive skills at the perfect moment with the right amount of confidence and certainty needed for whatever reason that you are celebrating.

 

As always I would like to thank you in advance for your comments and or questions!

 

No go out and give the perfect high five and implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Video credit: Scott Sylvan Bell

Reading body language: Proximity and The Bell Bubble

 

Reading body language:

learning how to read nonverbal communication or even learning how to communicate more effectively through learning body language may take you to many places or events that you have never been to before.

 

You may just find that your communication verbally and nonverbally becomes more fluid and people understand you better. When people understand you better they do not have to take the time to try and interpret what you mean or what you are saying.

 

Just about every time you learn something new there will be specific parts that you learn that you will be uncomfortable with and there will also be parts or ideas that just seem to flow well.

 

What is body language specifically? The answer is what others read into what you are doing with your body while you are communicating and how you think it is being perceived in real time along with what the other person believes is going on. In essence someone or a group is reacting to you and then you are reacting to them. In some instances their reactions or your reactions are not even being done on purpose they are unconscious. Some questions from the person or people watching you or the other way around may be is the person:

  • ·         Telling the truth or believed to be trustworthy
  • ·         Looking for a date from a man or a woman
  • ·         Acting normal or overly animated
  • ·         A threat

 

While communicating there are rules to follow with your non verbal communication so that your message is seen as being effective and easy to follow, some you may know and some you may have never been told.

 

Body language can be perceived and will be perceived wrong from the person or the people that are watching. Proximity can be confused from person to person along with regional or national implications. In the United States people tend to like their space and that area is at least 18 inches around their body. This area or Bell Bubble is a comfort zone and when infiltrated tension occurs.

 

Understanding body language or nonverbal communication skills
Interpreting body language is a persuasive selling skill

 

The best way to define the area within the bell bubble is to stand up and swing your forearm up while your elbow is at your side. This distance from your elbow to your fingertips will range from 14 – 20 inches in most instances (for some people longer for some people shorter). This area would be considered your personal space and if you were to meet with another person for the most part here in the United States and other parts of the world that is what other people would consider part of their personal space.

 

Yes there are some things that translate from one country to another when it comes to body language.

 

Now you can also use this Bell Bubble to the right and left sides of your body as well. If you were to bring your forearm as if you were pointing to the right or to the left you would still be out the 14 – 20 inches to the side the Bell Bubble would still apply. Even if you could fold your arm backwards your comfort zone will be within 14 – 20 inches. This non-verbal tip is meant to help you to not break a proximity boundary.

 

Some people require more room so that they feel like they are not being threatened or it just may be a comfort zone in general.

Sometimes you have no verbal cues when you meet a person for the first time. In these instances communication skills are very important. One of the ways that you build rapport or comfort is by mirroring or doing similar actions as the person near you. By staying in an area of comfort which is at least 18 – 20 inches away from the person or even sometimes double that you have a better chance of getting your valuable message across.

 

What is body language? learn how to read your own communication
Proximity and the Bell Bubble for non-verbal skills

 

One easy way to keep outside of another person’s Bell Bubble is to be two arm distances away from the other person.  Now you can go too far away and that will seem strange and unusual the same as standing too close. When people react to you in a way that is easy to understand and interpret you know you have done something wrong almost instantly.

 

You know you are too close to a person or you have invaded their Bell Bubble when they either cringe or take a step back, in such an instance you would want to slowly move back over a few step as to not jump away too quickly. If your movements at this point are strange it will give the person a reason to not like or even trust you. This may lead them to strange facial expressions or they may even bulk up like they are about to fight. If done repeatedly the other person may think that you are playing mind games.

 

Learning how to read body language and even understand in interpret body language can benefit you once learned for business, dating, maintaining relationships, determining is someone is lying or you could even learn nonverbal communication skills just for fun. Learning how to read people can give you huge benefits.

 

Remember to keep people comfortable by not getting too close or too far and that for you to determine your Bell Bubble it is usually the distance from your elbow to your fingertips.

 

As always I would like to thank you for your comments and or questions in advance.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits:  Intimate Couple In Bed by photostock, Business Handshake by chanpipat

Reading body langauge: Knowing your social value

Reading body language: Learning how to read body language has many advantages for you
throughout your life.

 

The ability to look at non verbal communication and dissect its
meaning can increase your odds in just about any given situation.

 

More than reading body language it is important for you to
interact with people correctly. Just from knowing where to stand or sit can
make the difference between making the sale or getting the girl or guy.

 

What happen if you know where you can have a conversation or
not have one? How much money would you imagine that you have lost over the
years by making this easy mistake or how many times have you lost the girl or
guy because you didn’t know what you were doing wrong.

 

An important concept to learn when reading body language or
learning nonverbal skills is that of social value and what it means for you.
Social value would be the depth or value associated with your actions as other
people see what you are doing in real time while others are watching.

 

There are three types of social value:

  • Positive social value
  • Exempt social value
  • No social value or negative social value

 

Positive social value:
would be what others think of your body language or nonverbal communication
plus your conversation whether they as the judge or judges are listening to you
or just happen to be watching from a distance. Your ability to effectively
communicate or deliver your message at this point has lived up to the
expectation and there really is no conflict. Your clothing and your actions are
congruent to the place or context of the situation. You have demonstrated
control of your actions to the observers or the intended participants and your
message is effective.

 

Exempt social value:
would be where your message isn’t being watched or judged by the people around you
or even the person that you are listening to. In this case your actions would
be exempt. An example would be talking to someone on the phone in an empty
home.

 

No social value or negative social value: This example could come from an ineffective message
through either actions or external influences like clothing or accessories. An
example of a mismatch that would cause low or negative social value would be
you as a CEO delivering a message to the board members of a company in board
shorts and flip flops. Your message would be judged from the people around you
or the people that you are associating with. In this instance your verbal and
non verbal actions would not match up.

 

An action could be you being angry in public where people do
not understand why you are having issues, from their perspective it would look
like you were throwing a temper tantrum that would not be needed. In this
instance your body language would give you poor social value.

 

Negative social value could be from you talking outside the
Bell Bubble, using weird hand gestures while having a conversation or even
standing in the wrong spot while having a conversation.

 

Being an effective communicator requires your knowledge and
control over the way that you use your body as conversations are happening or occurring.
These body language skills do take time and effort to learn. Your communication
skills are the key to your success in life and business.

 

As always I would like to thank you for your comments and or
questions.

 

Now go implement!

 

Scott Sylvan Bell

 

Photo credits: